Shakira Said Her Boyfriend Doesn't Allow Her to Do Videos with Men Anymore--Should We Be Bothered?

by Gena Kaufman

While I was shaking up a martini that I drank alone on my couch, the lovely Shakira spent her weekend stirring up relationship controversy when she claimed that her boyfriend, Gerard Pique, "no longer lets me do videos with men."

It was a headline-making and much-debated statement, but at first I just wanted to let it go. Sometimes, I think both men and women have a tendency to say "My partner won't let me do X" when what they really mean is, "Doing X makes my partner uncomfortable, so I refrain from doing it because I love my partner." For instance, let's say it would make you very upset if your husband went to a strip club. Should you forbid him to do it? Nah, you're not the boss of him. But if you explain to him why it bothers you, I should hope he would either avoid going, or at least be honest with you about the occasional bachelor party trip. And in that instance, he might say to the guys, "Oh, the wife doesn't let me go to strip clubs," but it really just means he doesn't want to upset you. It's not the best way to phrase it, but it is OK to voluntarily give something up for your significant other, as long as you are comfortable doing so. You might call it compromise.

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Her full statement on the subject, however, does get a little dicey:

"It's more than implied in our relationship that I can't do videos like I used to. It's out of the question, which I like, by the way," she says. "I like that he protects his turf and he values me, in a way that the only person that he would ever let graze my thigh would be Rihanna."

(You can watch the Shakira/Rihanna/no pants video in question over at Obsessed.)

I'm of course bothered by the use of the word "turf" as a description for a human being. Reminder: people = not property. (And furthermore, none of us likes to see other people grazing the thighs of our lover, but if you're particularly insecure about such a thing, maybe a super-sexy musician is not your best love match?) I'm also bothered by the assertion that while he's not cool with her getting sexy with another guy, he's totally cool with a woman feeling her up. It sort of implies that girl-on-girl action is purely for the enjoyment of men, doesn't it? (Not to put words into either of their mouths; I doubt that's how they intended those words to be interpreted, but still.) It's not, and it shouldn't have to be.

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At any rate, Shakira and her man are certainly free to make whatever rules work for them and for their relationship, but in the larger sense, we definitely don't need men to "allow" us to run our careers as we see fit.

Are you bothered by Shakira's statement that her boyfriend doesn't "allow" her to make videos with other men? Do you and your guy have things you don't "let" each other do? What do you think of the implications that it's OK to be sexy with another woman?

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