Should He Be Threatened by His Girlfriend's Gay Male Bedmate?
Advice from three of Em & Lo's guy friends. This week a straight man asks, "A girl I am dating has a gay best friend. He is coming to stay with her for a few weeks and they are sharing the same bed. While I know he is definitely gay, it still makes me uncomfortable that she is sharing a bed with another man, gay or otherwise. Is this just me being insecure or should he be sleeping on the perfectly good couch?"
Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman):
What, you're worried he'll give her a perm? The only thing to worry about is that if he's gay he's probably in shape. Which means she'll notice muscles on his body she forgot the male anatomy was capable of. Which means she'll ask why your lazy ass can't make it to the gym every once in a while.
Straight Single Guy (
Tyler Barnett): This is actually a very difficult question without one right answer. I don't think your girl's pal's sexual orientation is the issue. What seems to be the issue is that her friend is a dude. With a penis. And whether he is gay or otherwise, thinking of another man in bed with your lady is off-putting. Be honest with your girlfriend and explain that her sharing a bed with ANY guy but you makes you uncomfortable. Ask her if she would mind you spending the night next to a lesbian friend. My guess is it would make her uncomfortable as well. She should respect your feelings in this case, even if it is a perfectly harmless sleepover.
Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): Gay, straight… male, female… all of this, and your insecurities, aside -- how is this going to work exactly? If you want to stay over, will you have to ask the best friend's permission? Are you going to end up feeling guilty about kicking him out of bed? Will you have to take turns sleeping on the couch? If you do get your "turn" with this girl, is she going to wash the sheets first? You may not normally be a clean freak, but all that will change the second you find one of his pubes. The more I think about this, the more it seems like your date is trying to tell you something. She hasn't invited a friend to stay, so much as installed a friend-shaped c--- block. Maybe marriage is making me view the dating world with paranoia and suspicion, but don't be surprised if the "few weeks" turn into months, and you find yourself on the couch -- and then out the door.
Honorary Wise Guys (Em & Lo): Assuming he is 100% gay (and not the teensiest bit bisexual), then this is just you being insecure. If her best friend were a straight female, would you insist she sleep on the much less comfortable couch? No way. Some gay men can be cuddly, so make sure your girlfriend knows that you're not cool with them platonically spooning in bed (though there's not much stopping them from cuddling on the couch in front of a chick flick, ya know?). But again, if he's 100% gay, there's no chance any friendly affection will turn into something sexual -- they'd both be grossed out. So try to let go of your irrational macho instincts and prove to your girlfriend that you trust her -- she'll really appreciate it.
Our "wise guys" are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week's Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook, a British writer/illustrator working in Berlin with his photographer wife on their cool blog, Überlin; our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter; and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett of Tyler Barnett PR in LA. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
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