Survey Says 32% of Moms Have Sex Every Few Years? Craziness!
Doing the deed definitely takes on new meaning when you become a mom. One second, you're bringing all the boys to the yard, the next, your lawn is covered with wooden swing sets and play houses. Booties are constantly on the brain-but for what comes out of them, and that isn't so sexy. Being a mom while navigating a healthy sex life is an arduous task, to be sure, but that doesn't make it any less important. So why are 32 percent of moms going years without having sex?
According to an exclusive national survey conducted by Family Circle magazine, 553 mothers with at least one child of any age revealed their mom confessionals. They answered personal queries on hot topics like smoking, exercise, weight loss.... and sex. A mind-blowing 32 percent of mothers who were polled reported that a few years is the longest they've gone without sex. Another 36 percent reported a few months and 27 percent a few weeks.
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While the 500-person SurveyMonkey report doesn't equate to hard science, nor does it mention the marital status of the moms polled, perhaps it's erroneous to correlate a lack of bedroom intimacy with the staggering divorce rate in this country. But, seriously... a few years?!
Before I started to catalog which 32 percent of moms in my personal circle avoid the blurred lines of mommy and wifey, I stopped to consider the implications culture might play in a woman's extreme aversion to sex. As a Latina mom, growing up with a distinct cultural understanding of marriage, going years without sex - not withstanding medical reasons - would have been completely out of norm. To this day, sympathy towards the hardships of motherhood tend to be few and far between from my Latino family. Whereas my hard-working husband gets praise and admiration. The praise is much deserved-he's an awesome guy-but the notion that I am to "take care of my man" is heard loud and clear.
Even more personal dissonance arises as I wonder why going a few years without sex is such a big deal. Sure, my gut tells me it's crazy. Certainly, my husband would think its crazy. But I'm a mom to two very young children. My youngest is not even 2 years old, meaning the last few years have been wrought with sleepless nights and hormonal imbalance. I'm overweight and don't feel pretty. I also work in the home to provide for my family-monetarily and in creating order by planning healthy meals, fun activities on the weekend, and family getaways that allow my husband to decompress from stressful work days. Whose right is it to tell me what I have to do with my own body?
In my opinion, my husband's.
Despite my Latino upbringing, middle-class American life and belief that a woman's body needs to answer to no one, I'm also a product of divorce: a very sad, hostile youth where the two people I loved most hated each with the kind passion that makes a young child learn about that tiny, little line between love and hate. Turns out, it really is as thin as they say it is.
As a married woman, and as a mother, I will never be in that 32 percent bracket. For my marriage, my children, and myself (my husband is a given), going years without sex is craziness. The foundation of my family is based on the relationship between us. So while my marriage isn't sexy, it's stable. My husband is a great dad, a steadfast provider and I want desperately for our marriage to withstand the sobering statistics that American marriages face. The intimacy we maintain between us-in and out of survey brackets-is a direct reflection of how we're doing as a unit.
For what REAL moms look like after giving birth, visit BabyZone!
-By Vanessa Bell
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