Swiper's Remorse: How Do You Deal with All Those Tinder Matches?

by Gena Kaufman

I've noticed myself following a funny little pattern when it comes to online dating these past few weeks, and I've gone ahead and coined it a case of Swiper's Remorse, in case any of you are suffering from it too. Let me explain…

While perusing various dating websites, I've been happily selecting guys--swiping right, rating them four stars, whatever the ranking system on that particular site might be. And then I feel a little swell of pride and excitement when I get the notification that there's been a mutual match between the two of us. Yay! We like each other. It's clearly a match made in heaven.

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Until the guy actually contacts me, and I take a look back at his profile to remind myself of who he is. Then all of the sudden, bam! I can't remember why I was interested in the first place. Was I drunk when I chose this guy? (Well, occasionally, yes. But not usually.)

Now, of course, at least 50 percent of the time my sudden disinterest is based on the guy opening his mouth (or rather, using his fingers to type) and saying something totally lame. Like the Tinder guy who texted me just one word: "Hot." What's hot, dude? Me? You? The earth's core? One or more of those could easily be what you meant. I might think a guy is cute, but if his communication style is terrible, I'm immediately turned off, and I don't feel guilty about that.

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But more often, there's nothing wrong with what he says--and if I'm being perfectly honest, there's nothing wrong with the guy himself either. It's just that once things have moved into actual communication, I suddenly find myself getting much pickier about stupid things and balking at the idea of actually meeting this person. What's the deal here? To loosely paraphrase Groucho Marx, do I not want to join any potential relationship that would have me as a member? Or am I just casting too wide a net so I don't miss any matches, when in reality, I'm afraid to face one more bad date? Or do I just have a terminal case of Swiper's Remorse?

Send psychoanalysis and chocolate, please.

Do you ever feel like you have Swiper's Remorse? Are you more liberal with selecting matches than you mean to be?

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