How to Tell Him Exactly What You Want in Bed, According to a Guy

Our male columnist, Jake, knows what works.
by Glamour

There I am, on a third date, fooling around for the first time with a smart, funny, gorgeous woman. We're at her place, and I'm, er, down south. But it isn't going well. For one thing, she's silent. No moaning. Not even sighing. I up my game: a little faster, a little more pressure. Nothing. Then she says my name, and not in the good, gasping way. Am I about to be fired? Get the head tap and "have a nice life"? She continues: "Be more gentle, teasing." Ah, instructions! I get back to work. I hear moans. Sighs. Soon enough I hear my name again, with a giggle: "Jake. Thank you!" And I think, How cool was it that she could tell me what she wanted without any weirdness or embarrassment? Very cool. And then I think, Shouldn't that happen all the time? So I asked some female friends, "Why don't you tell men what to do during sex?" Here are their responses, debunked by yours truly.

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You think: "I might hurt the poor guy's feelings."
But wait!
Yes, men like to assume we can master your body as quickly as Thor mastered his hammer. We are idiots (who like comic books). But there are ways to tweak your guy's handiwork that won't shatter his ego. Just keep the feedback gentle and positive: "That's great, but bigger circles. Here let me show you.…" No man alive will object to a demo.

You think: "I'll sound selfish."
But wait!
News flash: Guys don't think that looking for sexual pleasure is selfish. It's what we've been doing 17 times a day since seventh grade. We blamed our hormones then, and today we're just happy to have company!

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You think: "He should just know how to get me there, as part of our soul connection."
But wait!
Edward and Bella. Christian and Anastasia. These couples had earth-shattering sex their first time together. Also, um, they're fictional. Good sex takes work, and even if you were a vampire who'd had a hundred years of practice, there would be no guarantee you'd nail it on the first try. If a guy won't put in the effort, that's a problem. But if he fails your mind-reading test, that's on you.

You think: "I'm embarrassed."
But wait!
Reverse the roles. Would you ever think less of a guy for asking to give you a spank or to try reverse-cowgirl? No. So unless you're going for crappy guys who aren't worthy of you (I know you'd never), then the man you're with should take it all in stride. Now, repeat after me in a nice, unabashed tone: "That feels amazing, but what really does it for me is indirect pressure." Or, "That's so good-just move it a little bit lower, like this." Or, "Slow down a bit, cowboy. Yes, perfect." There. Was that so hard?

Jake is a real single guy dating in New York City.

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