The great strap-on experiment

Em and Lo
strapon.jpg
strapon.jpg

Okay, it sounds like the beginning of a bad porno or PenthouseForum: Guy puts an extended personal ad on Tumblr in the hopes of finding a woman who will do him with a strap-on, no strings attached. But the ad itself--a totally real ad--is quite interesting and charming, which makes the guy seem so too. How can you not like a guy who jokingly refers to himself as Captain Sexypants? (Though we think he's done himself a disservice by desperately upping the ante and offering household items which reflect a certain geek-streak as "prizes".)

Here's the deal: he's always been interested in backdoor play, ever since he had an inappropriate relationship with his hairbrush as a young teen (NOT recommended!) and--cue the violins--has yet to find a loving girlfriend willing to make his fantasy a reality, even just once. So now that he's recently single, he's on a mission to get his backdoor cherry popped, outlining the rules of engagement, describing what he looks like, and most hilariously, describing what his ideal play partner might do for a living:

"I keep thinking an academic for some reason. Maybe a sociologist. Or possibly someone in women's studies. Very likely a psychologist or social worker. But it could be an artist too, perhaps an actress. Then again maybe it's someone from the hard sciences or mathematics, the accountant who needs to unleash. Then, of course, there's the hellfire librarian, a cliché sure, but a good one. She's probably not a writer, but you never know."

We think he should definitely keep this offer open only to single people or those in open relationships (if he changes his policy on this, or turns out to be an axe murderer, we officially withdraw our support). We think he should definitely insist on getting a new strap-on together (previously used dildos = bad). And we also think he should reconsider his attachment to traditional gender roles ("I like to be the one to drive," ugh)--no doubt this means he always goes for girls who think strap-on sex is "gay," which is why his butt is still "extra-virgin."

So, as tawdry and sleazy as it sounds, we're hoping someone will come forward, answer his ad and help show the guy that enjoying being on the receiving end of a friendly poke doesn't mean you automatically give up your masculinity. In fact, we wouldn't be surprised if the woman who volunteers turns out to be his soulmate: they end up falling in love and having lots of wonderful unconventional sex happily ever after. Now that would be a story to tell the grandkids!

MORE FROM DAILY BEDPOST AND GLAMOUR: