The Science of Single: Finding Love in the Dating Scene

It's Monday night. I'm still feeling low from a bout of bronchitis. After telling Rex about my upcoming plans for yoga, volunteering twice in my son's class, a Friday night party and more than a few carpooling excursions with the kids, he sweetly and subtly whispered, "ARE YOU CRAZY????! CANCEL IT ALL !"

He's right, of course. I need to back down. It's all too much. I'm so drained from this Mack Truck of a chest infection, I could honestly sleep for days. But if you're like me, sometimes you won't pull the plug. It takes someone who knows you better than you know yourself to give you a kick in the booty.

Nights like tonight make me glad to be married. I hated dating... all that unknown territory... all the questions and wonderment. I know that some people see it as exciting, but I always saw it as one more night spent with someone who'll I'll likely never see again.

Was singlehood really that bad? Maybe I just looked at it all wrong. In The Science of Single, author Rachel Machacek writes about her grand experiment in modern dating, creating chemistry, and finding love. She's brutally honest about dates gone wrong, what worked for her, and what she's learned over the years in meeting new men. Like many of her dates, her truths aren't always pretty, but they sure are funny.

I liked this book. It was a quick and easy read and provided more than a few take-aways. Here's a few suggestions she applies to dating that I'm currently applying to my marriage as well as my business relationships:

*"The Window of Opportunity for Honesty Closes Quickly" - Good people (and experiences) won't stick around for long if you're not being candid. I can honestly say that what I love the most about Rex is how honest he is. I trust him. I can rely on him. I found out early in our dating that he wasn't one to be impressed by idle chit chat and flash in the pan smiles. I am finding the same goes for work. With the internet and email, it's easy to let fluff pass for solid substance... for a while. All my best jobs &mdash including this one &mdash have been built on honesty and forthcoming communication. It's how the best relationships are built.

* "Actions Speak Louder Than Words and Poems" - Isn't that the truth? After a long day with the kids, I appreciate Rex's small gestures like doing the dishes, picking up a coffee or simply starting the laundry for me. The same goes for my dreams. I can talk about wanting to write that book, but until I schedule x amount of hours into every day, all I will have is some great ideas. (I'm proud to say I did start that book! But it has lots of words and poems, unlike Rachel's advice, but you get the idea.)

* "Red Flags Are Red Flags No Matter Who's Flying Them" - That old gut instinct. Whether you're dating someone or been married ten years and hiring a plumber, if something doesn't feel right, chances are it isn't. It's so important to with how you feel. I've been applying this advice a lot to some new writing opportunities headed my way. If something doesn't feel right - regardless of how much I'm being offered - the answer is no. It's just not worth it.

* "Wait For It and Chemistry Will Eventually Make a Showing" - Rex and I liked each other a lot when we first met, but we weren't rushing to be physical. We figured we'd wait and see what came of it. And wowzah, I'm glad we did. Here's hoping I get the same opportunity in my next relationships! (Yeah, I'm talking about work, not men, but the principal still applies.)

Some of Machacek's book made me cringe - from the speed dating to hiring an expensive relationship coach. Really? How hard is it to just be yourself and meet someone? Apparently harder than one might think. Machacek is clearly not alone in her online dating quests, her worries over how to write rejection emails and exactly how to interact with an ex-boyfriend when you're on a date with a new man.

You can read more about Machacek's adventures in her blog. I'd love to hear about some dating adventures you've had that led you down the aisle... or away from it! Do you have any red flags to share? What about chemistry stories or the importance of being honest in your life?


Posted by Andrea Frazer

Reprinted with Permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.