The Secrets to Staying Married
by Annemarie Conte
Who better to give relationship advice than people who have been married for decades? Check out common sense relationship tips from real couples.
"You have to respect each other and demonstrate it. Find something you love to do together. A few years ago we started kayaking, and we just bought bikes. It doesn't have to be expensive, but you need to stay connected. Most of all, treasure each other." Paul Babcock, who has been married to his wife, Marina, for 32 years
"There are no books to prepare you for what comes at you. Contrary to what people think, it is not a 50/50 relationship, it is 100/100 or it will never work. I still can't believe we made it this far. Seems like almost yesterday." Arline Wertheim, who has been married to her husband, Seymour, for 49 years
"Marriage involves change, trust and acceptance. It begins with fire but over the years it becomes a smoldering ember. Love after 56 years means that I have someone who is always there for me, waiting for me to come home, someone who is mine and we are the center of each other's life." Mary Verhoog,who has been married to her husband, Rev. John, for 57 years
"God is behind it all-and we overlook each other's faults." Jimmie and Gordon Alford, who have been married for 69 years
"Before marrying Jan, I wrote a letter to her mother, asking for her blessings. In the letter, I stated that I felt that our marriage would be based on love, trust and mutual respect. I neglected to mention humor, humor and humor." Nick Jones, who has been married to his wife, Jan, for 38 years
"I agree with him. Looking back, I see where mutual respect is much more important than I thought. You must respect each other's differences and keep your own uniqueness because that's why you fell in love in the first place. I also see that humor becomes more important as the years go by. When you retire and spend 24/7 together, you have to laugh and have fun. It's easy to lose your sense of humor when illness strikes, the economy goes sour and terrorists threaten, but a hearty laugh has a way of making everything seem tolerable again." Jan Jones
"By today's standards, we were pretty young. I was 21 and Bill was 22. But we grew in the same direction. The love was stronger than anything else that could be pulling us in another direction." Arnita Hawkins, who has been married to her husband, Bill, for 49 years
"Each of us, though we have our independence, we're dependent on each other from the perspective of love. It was a big part of our maturing together and dealing with problems. We talk about the important things all the time-money, kids, etc." Bill Hawkins
"Three things: 1) Keep priorities in perspective-agree or compromise on the big things, and don't create a crisis over the small stuff. 2) Share common interests and support each other's individual pursuits. 3) View time together as a gift and make it periodically special by breaking from the routine." Don and Cheryle Hahnfeldt, who have been married for 41 years
"You have to have the same basic principles and belief system. We differ on a lot of things, but it's important to stay on the same track in terms of ethics and morals. We have entirely different interests, but there are also things we like to do together. We have fun together, but we also go our separate ways. He's politically inclined, I'm not. I love the arts, he doesn't. We have similar friends. I have my girlfriends and he has his golf buddies. I've always enjoyed his company. He's fun. He has a much better sense of humor than I do, but I don't hear terribly well and that works to our advantage too!" Gail Burgess, who has been married to her husband, Don, for 49 years
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