by Chiara Atik, HowAboutWe.com
What's the only thing more exciting than the royal wedding? Lifetime's movie based on complete conjecture about the royal wedding! And we. are. ready.
On Monday, April 18th, "William & Kate" will premiere in both Britain and the United States. Obviously, we're throwing a huge viewing party, because, duh. Obviously, there will be alcohol. Obviously, we've devised a drinking game for the occasion.
Want to play along? Read below!
What To Drink:
Princess Kate Fizz: 1 oz Belvedere vodka, 3/4 oz. of Earl Gray Tea, mixed in a champagne flute and topped with Moet et Chandon Brut Imperial. Garnish with a Lemon Twist of redcurrants.
Belvedere Vodka Wedding Punch 5 oz. Belvedere Pure 20 oz. Green Tea 5 oz. Lemon Juice 3 oz. Simple Syrup 1 Bunch of Mint
Add all ingredients to a punch bowl & stir. Garnish with blueberries, cucumber and slices of lemon.
When to Drink
- Anytime Kate cries, take a sympathy sip.
- When Kate cries WHILE DRINKING WINE IN A BATH SURROUNDED BY CANDLES, take a fortifying shot, cause, come on, pull yourself together, woman!
- Anytime Prince William introduces himself or refers to himself as "William Wales," take a drink.
- Anytime Kate introduces herself or refers to herself as "Catherine," snort and take a drink.
- Every time someone mentions or alludes to Princess Diana, take a sip.
- Every time someone mentions or alludes to Camilla, hiss and take a shot/cheer and take a shot, depending on whether you're Pro-Camilla or not.
Related: Prince William Won't Wear A Wedding Ring: Is This Okay?
- When the inevitable montage of Kate taking etiquette lessons from a palace aide comes on, drink continuously.
- Every time the cover of a newspaper or tabloid is shown, take a sip.
- If the Queen comes onscreen, stand up and take a drink.
- If anyone actually says "glossy posse," take boozy gulp of champagne.
- Whenever someone onscreen says "Waity Katie," take a drink.
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- Whenever Charles comes on camera, drink but keep your eyes tightly shut.
- When William sings to Kate in public, take a shot because you'll need to be drunk in order to commit to that level of suspension of disbelief.
- When William says "I'm not sure we represent anything except a desperate hold on an irrelevant past," raise your glass to the British Empire, may she rest in peace.
- Anytime Harry comes onscreen and completely upstages his brother, take a shot, cause at least they made something accurate.
- When Kate says: "I love the private you. I love the public you. I love the you no one gets to see but me," try really, really hard not to gag.
- Anytime William or Kate say anything along the lines of "I've never met anyone like you before,", boo at the television and take a drink.
- Anytime they show Kate doing anything sporty (working out, shooting a gun, rowing, etc), take a drink.
Related: Unlike Princess Diana, Kate Middleton Won't Have To Prove Her Virginity
- If either character impulsively jumps into a body of water to get to the other for absolutely no reason, take two shots back to back, because come on.
- Any reference to Jecca Craig, Balmoral, Chelsy Davy, Mahiki, Tiggy Legge-Bourke, Elton John, Guy Pelly, or "Candle In The Wind," take a shot.
- When Kate and William have sex (or, at least, go into a bedroom and close the door), go "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and drink.
- When William gets down on one knee and proposes to Kate with his mother's ring, drink all the remaining alcohol and despair because that will never happen to you and you will never be a princess.
Wager on how many kiss scenes are in the movie: the person who gets the closest wins, loser has to watch the whole thing again sober.
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