Too sexy for yourself? Single ladies should wear lingerie to bed

By Keysha Whitaker
SingleWomenRule.com Co-Editor

During the heydays of Sex and the City, my friends and I would often make seasonal pacts to get our Carrie on, dressing to the nines every day, just because. I'd start off with my best fashion foot forward - funky skirts, heels, and chic accessories - then a few weeks later, I'd fall back into the tried-and-true everyday wear, relegating my hose and pumps for nights-on-the-town.

In my childhood, I only "dressed up" if I was going to church, to a party, to a graduation, or some other event that required patent-leather white shoes, cable tights, and a ruffled skirt. Though I dropped the Mary Janes by the time I got to high school, the required Catholic school uniform didn't allow for much self-expression either. Weekend clothes were oversized jeans, striped shirts, and black combat style Hi-Tech boots. Hey, it was the mid-90s and R&B singer Aaliyah was wearing male boxer shorts hiked up over her waistband.

At 31, I realize I've carried this subconscious pattern of dressing into adulthood (not the boxer shorts part). If I'm not going anywhere "special", I usually throw on jeans, boots, and a casual cotton-shirt: long-sleeves in the winter, short in the summer. Though this summer, I mostly wore long, flowing skirts (they're great because you can dress them up or down with the switch of a shoe), my fashion game isn't where I'd like it to be. Most days, I barely have time to put mascara on, let alone put together a cute outfit. Living in New York City has seriously cramped my shoe style; running up and down subway steps in 3-inch heels is a hell-to-the-no, so I'm often in flats, while throwing envious, then pitiful glances at the girls teetering to the train in their stilettos.

Fashion isn't just the clothes we see, it's the clothes we don't see too. Most women learn that it's appropriate, and maybe expected, for a female to wear lingerie or sexy pajamas when they've got a significant other sharing the boudoir, but what about when it's just you and your lonesome in the queen size? I suspect most women choose less attractive jammies than treating themselves to a night (or nights) in sexy lingerie.

The psychological ramifications of saving lingerie for a bedside playmate underscore a subliminal message that you're only at your best when you've got someone to share you with, and that in order to feel sexy, you need to have another person validate the presentation - either in words or in deeds, or both, if it's a good night.

Based on the Law of Attraction, if the universe gives us what we're feeling, doesn't it make sense to wear clothes that make us feel good too? If you go to sleep feeling good and sexy, you'll wake up feeling good and sexy - imagine all the great stuff that will be on its way to you - circumstances and people that reflect and recognize your goodness and sexiness. (If you're not sure of your size and are too modest to get fitted, here are instructions on sizing yourself, but I'd recommend going to a professional; the object is to look good in the lingerie.)

Making a change, like wearing beautiful French lingerie a few times a month, isn't easy, so couple it with a Me-Date: take yourself out on a fun time, eat at your fav restaurant, or watch your fav movie before sliding into bed (use satin sheets to assist with the sliding). Ignore the nasty, little voice that pipes up when you don a lace nightie sans fine-ass date. The voice will probably say something like: "Who do you think you are? It's ridiculous for you to wear that to bed alone."

In day-clothes or lingerie, not looking nice for ourselves keeps us in a constant state of waiting - waiting for someone or some event to look good for - and that's ridiculous.