The Truth About Young Marriage

The Truth About Young Marriage
The Truth About Young Marriage

Can I say something crazy?

(Yes, sorry, but after watching the movie non-stop straight for the past week, it's kind of in my head, ok? #FrozenForever)

At 27, my husband and I have been together for a shocking11 years. In five years, we will have been together longer than we have lived apart. How strange is that?

Yesterday, I wrote a piece about some of themost common mistakes couples make in a marriagethat can lead to a divorce, and one of the factors that kept popping up over and over in my research was something that hit a little too close to home for me:

Couples who get married too young.

It's really not an uncommon idea- many studies cite getting married too young as a factor in divorce, likethis onethat says that young couples with low education are one of the most likely groups to get divorced. One divorced woman evenadvocatesthat no one should get married before age 25.

And while I'm of course biased because we got married at the ripe old age of 21, I am curious if there is any truth to the cautionary tales. Did we mess up by getting married so young? Let me look at the arguments that try to show the truth about young marriage:

Related: How to survive the 7 stages of marriage

We should have traveled more.
Everybody says that you should experience life and travel more before getting married, right? Honestly, I love to travel, but part of me feels like we both got some good trips in before we got married - me living in Alexandria, VA and studying abroad in France - and my fiancé living in Florida for work and then going on a hiking expedition through Iceland. Age really isn't a reason to avoid traveling, just like marriage isn't a reason that we won't continue to travel when our kids are a little bit older.

You will change too much as individuals.
This one is so true - I can't even recognize the girl I was when we first got together, honestly. But even more honestly, I have to say that's a good thing and that's largely in part to my marriage. I was not a nice person when we first started dating. I was a little crazy, selfish, and prone to the worst mood swings ever. Getting married helped me learn how to communicate effectively, work through issues without blowing up, and learn to think of someone else's needs before my own. So yes, we've both changed a lot through these 11 years, but change is not always bad.

You will hold each other back career-wise.
I'm not sure if people say this because marriage and kids often go hand-in-hand, but I think it's pretty ignorant to say that marriage should hold anyone back from anything. We do happen to have children - very young children - so in our case, I will admit that some of our career goals have gone a bit more slowly than we would have liked, but again, I'm not so sure that's a bad thing. For me, I worked six years as a nurse before I could make the full-time foray into writing; my husband dreams of doing more with his woodworking. But again, in our case, our young marriage is simply not the cause of any career derailments or changes. On the contrary, in many ways - from my husband helping me reach my goal of becoming apublished authorto me supporting him getting his master's degree at age 24 - we've worked as a team to support each other.

You need to date other people.
I guess people think that marriage is somehow comparable to cars, with the argument that you need to "test drive" the cars before you can buy them, right? But honestly, I believe that marriage and love are largely choices we make. Could there be other people out there that we could be with? Probably. Could we have dated other people and learned more about relationships before getting hitched? Maybe. But if my ultimate goal was marriage, and it was, then what better way to prepare for that than choosing marriage? The thought of dating a million guys sounds exhausting - why waste energy on relationships as a learning experience when I could put that energy towards learning with the man I choose above all others?
I just don't know. I'm not convinced that young marriage is so bad. Anyone want to convince me otherwise?

Photo source: Chaunie Brusie

-By Chaunie Brusie

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