User post: A letter to the Mistress

Hi I am assuming by my email address you know who I am. I am not writing to you to threaten you, or express my general dislike of you. I am emailing you because I want to move on from this. The situation is between Mike and I, but you have also found your place in our life. I think it would be fair for you to have to hear how I feel, how the affair you have had with my husband has altered my life. I don't know the extent of your relationship with him, I doubt he would be truthful in telling me.
Mike and I met when we were young. I was only 15 when we first got together. We did spend a year apart while he was in College and I was finishing my Senior Year of high school. It is safe to say I have loved him most my life. And unfortunately I have yet to find out how to make that feeling stop. He is as familiar to me as I am to myself. Living here with him while we finish this divorce and he continues his affair with you is heartbreaking. I look at him and I still see my husband, the father of my kids and a great friend I have been lucky to have for so long. I find it hard not to reach out to him, I wake up and miss him next to me. I have to stop myself from calling or texting him when something hilarious happens. I know it is raw right now and with time and distance these urges will subside to maybe a dull ache and just general confusion. I would never say he is a bad father or a bad person. And I would never say our Marriage was a bad one. I would say the blame is pretty evenly distributed. I don't agree with what he did, it just rings stupid, cowardly and immature to me. I guess what I really want to say is that both of your dishonestly and betrayal has reached out well beyond what either of you considered. I have no doubt that my kids will be effected by this for years to come. My parents divorced when I was young not because of an affair, but because my Father was an abusive alcoholic. I grew up with a single mom and a dad I visited with. It didn't cripple me or my siblings in anyway but it didn't help. I am angry because his selfishness has cost my kids the father they deserved. He may see them a great deal but it wont replace him physically being there everyday. And I in no way can replace him or make myself a substitute. I am also angry that I have been patient and open to waiting for my opportunity to go back to school because of all his deployments, job switching, inability to finish a degree and his lack of support in general. I have put him first in this Marriage, so much so that I have lost a huge chunk of myself because there was no way to retain it and still be supportive of him. I guess what I am saying is I should in a way Thank You since you have set me free. I have no reason to feel guilt in my Marriage ending. I did everything I could to keep this together. I don't look forward to the moving or being a single parent. But I do look forward to finally finishing school without having to feel guilty about it. And because you have given me the chance to finally be a complete person, I can be selfish now, I can do things I couldn't before and that is terrifying and exhilarating.
I have no warnings for you if you both decide to commit to each other in some way, I feel you will both learn in time what faults caused you to stray from your Marriages, because as much as you would both like to blame your partners - the reason lies within you, not us. I guess the lack of honesty would play a large role. I have basically gone through hell since I found out and it has only been a little over a month. I was the one who had to contact the lawyer and get the papers drawn up, I had to tell both our families since he never felt it was the right time, I have had to plan a move to a different state for our two kids and myself, find doctors, schools and some type of support system and most likely I will have to explain over and over to our kids why this has happened. Basically I have cleaned up his mess, and thankfully this will be the last time I have to do that for him.
I doubt you know the pain this takes on a Wife and Mother, your life turns to s--- and dreams you had together turn to dust, you feel ugly and used, you feel dumb, depressed, angry, bitter and just a empty pit of despair swallows you. You constantly doubt yourself or your ability to even try to make a new life, you wonder constantly if you could have done something different or better and you just sink. I would wish this on no one, not even Him or you for that matter. I have no interest in trying to stay with him. I wish I could for my kids, but I would hate myself and burn what little self respect I have left for myself.