User post: Fabulous New Internship + Wonderful, Loving Boyfriend = Broken Friendship?

Cheryl

Does every woman in a new relationship / new job go through this? And if so, is there any way to mend it?


About a year ago, everything in my life dramatically changed.


I met a wonderful man - who swept me off my feet!And we've fallen in love.


I was given a Grant, and allowed the opportunity to attend classes full-time.


And in September, I was offered an internship in my field of study (which I've been working hard to obtain for over 10 years.)


Everything I've worked hard for has finally come together… and I thought that my best friend would be understanding and happy for me.


- Boy was I wrong!!!


About a month ago, my best friend began ignoring my calls. At first, I figured she was just busy working on her Thesis project. But after a few weeks of no-reply, I decided to shoot her a short email - just inquiring as to how she's been doing lately.


A few days later, I finally received a reply… and it was pretty nasty. She blamed me for not calling her more often, and said that I had become a horrible friend.


This was quite a shock to me! As I thought she understood how incredibly hectic things have been with my new duties.


So, I apologized for being so busy and I and asked that she be patient and understanding of me during this huge transition in my life. But all I received in return was another email saying "best wishes" and "farewell."


Why is it that, instead of being happy for you, friends become jealous and petty when your life becomes everything you've ever worked for?


I would like to try and mend things with my friend… but with this internship, working part-time, continuing to attend classes at school, making time for my boyfriend, and all my family duties - I really don't have the time (or energy) to hammer this thing out.


Any suggestions on how I can convey to my friend that I'm not pushing her out of my life, but that she just needs to be patient with me while I overcome this time-consuming hurdle?

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March 4, 2009:

I appreciate all the feedback. =)

I'd just like to add a few clarifications, in response to some of your comments:

(1) Before this huge transition, we used to talk on the phone once each week, for hours at a time. Now I talk to her 1-2 times a month on the phone, and email her during my busy periods. So I do realize that I have cut back... but I'm still making an effort. (fyi - I've tried to call her to talk about this, but she wont return my calls. I just keeping getting angry emails.)

(2) Both my boyfriend and I work and go to school. We are in a long distance relationship and are only able to see each other about once every 3 weeks. (And yes... my boyfriend is having the same problems with his best friend.)

(3) As for the word "jealous". She used this word the last time we talked on the phone. I should clarify that she wasn't jealous of my success, but jealous of the time I was spending with other people. I apologized, and asked if she would like to join me for dinner the next week. When I called to invite her to dinner the next week, that's when she started ignoring my calls.