What Do You Do with that Tattoo of Your Ex?
By Morgan Vines, BounceBack.com Editorial Staff
A tiger in the bathroom. A stripper calling you her "husband". Bruises from the fight you picked with Mike Tyson. All things you may want to forget in the morning, but when the dust settles they become epic tales retold over a modest keg.
A tattoo of Spongebob Squarepants on your chest is an entirely different animal. No one can pull that off and you're stuck with it like your 38-year-old brother sleeping on your couch who "just hasn't found himself yet".
Most embarrassing tattoos sprout from a night of debauchery and bad decisions, but what about those couples who actually choose to leave their mark on each other in ink?
No need to sugarcoat it to your "crazy in love" friend. It never ends well. And if Hollywood is any indication, people jump under the needle to show their love quicker than they head for the altar. Then when these relationships shatter, it's back under the needle to remove that "Jane Forever" or paint over it with badass flames.
We're making sure those ink stains never fade. Here are five celebrity tattoo mistakes we're not letting them forget:
#1 - Tommy Lee: The motley drummer inscribed Pamela Anderson's name on his most famous private part. (You'll have to buy their "leaked without our knowledge" sex tape to catch a glimpse.) But he didn't stop there. After the pair broke up, he got engaged to Prince's ex-wife Mayte Garcia, and tattooed her lips on his neck. That one we can show you. Oh, and needless to say, that relationship didn't last either.
#2 - Johnny Depp: Back before he was a pirate that could raid any ship carrying hot-blooded women with little to no resistance (okay let's be serious, he could always do that), Johnny Depp was engaged to actress turned klepto Winona Ryder. After they broke off the engagement, he had his bicep art "Winona Forever" changed to "Wino Forever". We're wondering what happens if he swears off booze.
#3 - Amy Winehouse: Speaking of winos. Only rehab-refusing singer Amy Winehouse would opt to proudly mark herself as her husband's property. Meanwhile he got away with a tiny "Amy" behind his ear. The marriage went down quicker than she can guzzle a bottle of Jack. Rumor has it she wants that "Blake's" over her heart removed, but she's been saying that for months. In the meantime, she invested in a boob job which really takes attention away from this fashion faux pas. With the couple's track record, it's possible they'll get back together the next time he has a few months out of jail. Only time will tell. She's still sporting the "A" on her ring finger she got for ex Alex Claire.
#4 - Angelina Jolie: Before she passed her time adopting babies and seducing clearly taken hunks, the Oscar winner wore a vial of Billy Bob Thornton's blood around her neck as a token of love. The two also got dirty on the way to awards shows and inked each other's names on their biceps. But blood wasn't enough to hold it together. When the marriage ended they both drew up new designs to cover their mistakes. Jolie chose the coordinates of her children's birthplaces, but if you look closely, you can still see the outline of the dragon that was perched under "Billy Bob".
#5 - Nas: When Nas sang "You can hate me now," he didn't realize what he was setting into motion. His five year marriage to Kelis ended bitterly this summer. The rapper's lingering tribute to her tops our list of "what were they thinking?" His bad judgment went beyond just inking his lover's name to getting a topless, suggestive image of her penned on his arm. 50 Cent butchered him in the track Piggy Bank, "Kelis said her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard / Then Nas went and tattooed the b---- on his arm." We're happy 50 wasn't taking a break from his eloquent social commentary that day. Nas' solution? He covered his ex-wife's face with a lion's head. Typical male. As long as he can't see her face he doesn't mind drooling over her breasts.
Maybe tattoos are the kiss of death for happy relationships. They're definitely not the way to start your next one. Peeling off your tighty whiteys to reveal "Property of T-Bone" scribbled below the belt will likely kill the mood faster than a voicemail from Mel Gibson.
If this pickup attempt actually lands you a repeat performance, you'd better be willing to invest in a new coat of paint or suffer through the removal process (which we hear can be more painful than getting the tattoo in the first place).
What happened to getting a tattoo of your favorite band or a respectable naked lady dancing?
What's the most outrageous tattoo you've seen? How would you handle it if your new lover had a tattoo of their ex?
Morgan Vines is a writer with a background in television production. She lives in New York City and can be reached at morganvines@yahoo.com.
BounceBack is helping people find happiness after heartbreak from a relationship breakup or divorce. It's a place to tell your story, get advice from experts, and share what you've learned with others in similar situations. Heartbreaks happen to everyone. And we believe everyone has the potential to bounce back to life and move forward. www.bounceback.com
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