What's all the flap about?

Getty Images
Getty Images


There's nothing like the subject of uncircumcised penises to brighten up a ladies' night out dinner conversation, eh? While discussions regarding the typical peen-snipped American man's nether regions are always guaranteed to get a rise (heh) out of the crowd, once uncut genitalia--and more specifically, the possibility that we will actually encounter one of these mythical creatures--rears its um, head, it can whip a table full of hot blooded American girls into a real tizz. What's the difference? Has anyone actually seen one? How does it feel? More importantly, what in god's name do you do with it?

Obviously, it's the fear of the unknown that initially sparks our curiosity. After all, the majority of North American guys have all had their foreskins removed. (Incidentally, there's a wrinkle-cream that boasts baby foreskin as a main ingredient, I freakin' kid you not). And while plenty of our Euro brothers remain "intact," the guys most of us grew up with always got the short end of the stick (cymbal crash). So yes, it's actually quite mysterious and even exotic when one encounters the odd uncircumcised man. And for all our silly, juvenile sex talks with one another, the uncircumcised penis is a double edged sword (har) in that most of your pals have probably never mounted one much less spotted one in the wild, and since your guy friends lost theirs during infancy, well, they aren't really that equipped (sorry can't stop) to tell you what the difference is either. Thank god for the internet.

Now, I'm not going to get into the history of circumcision or whether it's right or wrong. (I can tell you that there seems to be a backlash and some mothers are rethinking the whole ordeal and letting their sons make the decision for themselves, which seems pretty damn reasonable to me.) But if you've never seen one or even the other, I suggest you get yourself over to Wikipedia, where you can peruse a rather detailed entry on the subject at your leisure (like, after work). The neutrality of the information is reported as "disputed" but as one who has seen both versions, I can verify that the photos are right on. And that's just the thing: It doesn't make such a crazy huge difference.

When I was in my early 20s dating My First Foreigner who happened to hail from the UK, I was practically beside myself with performance anxiety. Well, okay, it wasn't that bad, but I did bombard my German roommate with questions about how to "handle" an uncircumcised dick. She just looked at me cooly, took a thoughtful drag from her Gaulois, and said, "There's really nothing to worry about," and went on to explain that a fully erect penis looks and feels exactly the same whether it has foreskin attached to it or not. And she was right. Case closed.

But obviously, we all still have questions. How to handle foreplay (ahem)? (Answer: He'll show you, and again, you'll be like, "Why was I sweatin' this in the first place?") Is it all gross and dirty up in there? (Answer: No, unless he has really terrible personal hygiene, in which case, why are you sleeping with him again?) Will it feel different? Better even? (Answer: While all penises have their pros and cons, no, not necessarily.)

Now I'd like to open up this clearly heated discussion. Have questions? We'll try to answer em. Have an opinion on the matter (besides, crap Erin, what's with the asinine post and all the immature penis jokes?)? Let her rip.