What's Under All that Fighting About Money?

I'm pretty lucky with Rex. When he's home with the kids, he's really involved. I can't say he's the person that goes to every party and school function with them (and yeah, that sometimes bugs me) but for the major dance shows and big campus productions, he all over it. As I always say, you can't have it all.

One thing we consistently butt heads on are finances. We do have a budget, but I used to see it as too constricting. It's not like I spent a fortune on extras like hair and nails (once every six months maybe) but I did spend extra on the kids. I wanted them to take extra classes like dance and karate if that was important to them.

I also scheduled monthly health appointments for my son to deal with an issue that I didn't feel our pediatrician handled adequately enough.

This landed me in a little debt. Nothing earth shattering, but more than our budget covered.

The issue, I'm realizing, is not that I owe a bit more on the cards now. In fact, it's not that "I" owe extra. "We" owe it. I am not in a marriage alone.

Yes, for all you husbands out there, I spent the money alone.

But Rex wasn't doing his part in being around. I didn't feel "heard" from Rex. I didn't intentionally go out and spend buckets of cash to spite him. But I felt justified in spending the money - I work, too, after all!

I felt that if what I found important wasn't important to him, well, then, I was entitled to spend the money anyway - and I did. (Again, we're not talking an exorbitant amount of cash here.)

Last month I couldn't handle the pressure anymore. I fessed up. "I owe xxx amount on my cards," I told him.

The conversation was about as fun as giving birth. But, after all the groaning and screaming, I felt relieved.

Both of us were at equal fault. He was handling the work for pay stuff (very important) while I was handling the mom stuff (no pay but equally as important.) We weren't meeting in the middle enough and letting each other know just how much we appreciated what the other person brought to the table. And, quite frankly, we didn't communicate enough about it to even know.

A book a lot of people recommend, but I have not read yet, is Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover . He apparently gets into the nitty gritty of why people argue about money, why they get into debt, and then gives very simple solutions to free yourself of that burden.

More on this Friday.

Until then, I plan on spending less and loving more. And most important, I'm going to talk talk TALK until he and I have a plan that works for both of us. This includes time spent as a family, time spent as a couple, time spent ourselves and, oh yeah, a budget. (See, it's not really about money when it all shakes out. It never is. Funny how when you communicate outside of the bedroom things tend to heat up inside also.)

What about you? Do you fight about money?

* Photo from Allposters.com


Posted by Andrea Frazer


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