Love + Sex

When Heartbreak Hits: 10 Reasons to be Grateful for Grief

May 4, 2011 at 5:41 PM

By Lynn Zavaro, author of The Game of You™

With all heartbreak comes great grief . There are many ways we can grieve and we all have different ways of expressing it. Some of us get busy and distract ourselves from the pain. Some of us find it hard to do anything at all. Or, we swing in-between.

When we grieve in a healthy and supportive way, we meet the change that is occurring in our life head on. Change is our biggest teacher because from it we learn how we best want to live our lives. Use your heartbreak to become aware of your opportunities to grow, to love yourself more deeply, and get clearer about what you want. Even with the pain, heartbreak can be a gift and something to be grateful for.

To know more about yourself and create the life you want get your copy of The Game of You here.

Here are 10 reasons to be grateful for grief in order to peacefully move on:

1) Grief supports us to let go. There is a reason why grief exists. It is a natural and important part of letting go. If we judge our grief as silly, stupid, or wrong, it magnetizes more pain. Allowing time to grieve creates space for something new and better to come into our life.

2) Grief allows a release. Like a cup that is overflowing, we need to empty our reserves. Frozen grief is when the water in the cup turns to ice and we are unable to move forward productively, damaging our spirit. Yet, healthy grief is necessary to release the past and move on.

3) Grief creates closure. Without grief we wouldn't be able to make peace with our past and close the door. Hanging on to the past by denying our grief keeps us from making the best of our lives. When we give ourselves the space and time to grieve we are initiated gently and ever so lovingly to walk through a new door.

4) Grief supports integration. Integration means to become whole, entire, or complete as if a fragment that was left in the past is placed back into ourselves so that we can be made whole. The integration that comes with grief allows us to restore. It takes some time to balance. Like a computer, our body needs to download updated programs and recalibrate in order to refresh and boot up anew.

5) Grief allows us to not have to make sense of it all. Attempting to make sense of your recent heartbreak may leave you feeling confused, overwhelmed or helpless. Rather than try to make sense of it or give it meaning (which could drive you crazy in the end) realize that it's not necessary at this time to understand it. Give your mind a break from trying to figure it all out, let yourself grieve and things will be much easier for you in the end.

6) Grief heals. In the healing process that comes with grief, we let go of the pain from the past and come to know in our heart of hearts our life is of purpose. After a healthy grieving time, you will feel lighter or even anticipate with enthusiasm the new direction you are headed. When you grieve with the intention to heal you will ultimately feel an opening in your heart like the sun coming out from behind the clouds.

7) Grief teaches us about ourselves. The pain of heartbreak allows us to see how we respond to change. By looking closely at how we respond to change we can learn how to best meet change when it comes again. We grow, we evolve and we come to know ourselves more deeply, gaining clarity about the kind of life and future relationships we want to create. Using every experience, even the painful ones, as a learning opportunity is how we transform and evolve. Go within and use this precious time to connect back to the most important person in your life - YOU!

8) Grief brings acceptance. By accepting our grief and allowing it to be present, we give ourselves permission to feel however we feel. The anger, shock, anxiety and tears that we feel when we endure loss is part of the human experience. When heartbreak happens we really have no choice in the matter. Preference takes a back seat and we learn a powerful tool that empowers and strengthens our daily life: To accept what is.

9) Grief can set you free. When sudden change occurs in your life, you are asked to stretch beyond your usual limit at rapid speed. As if from nowhere, you may find yourself questioning not only who and where you are, but where you are going. When change happens suddenly, it does so to break you free of your habituated nature, exploding your reality so that you can wake up to the new and go to the next level in yourself.

Related: Surviving a Goodbye

10) Grief connects us to others. After going though a painful experience and getting to know grief intimately, we develop deeper compassion for others' pain. We have more tools, more understanding, and are more able to help. Our grief offers us the gift of being of service to others, connecting us all through the common pain we share.

So feel what you feel without dramatizing it or indulging it and allow yourself to grieve. Know that if you give yourself some time and space, reach out for support and counseling if you need you will come out of it a better person.

How do you respond when heartbreak hits? How might you embrace this experience and have gratitude?

Lynn Zavaro has emerged as a leading voice in the art of guiding others to know themselves and create the life they've always envisioned. She has a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology and her book and card deck set, The Game of You™- An Interactive Way To Know Yourself, Create The Life You Want offers a powerful, profound and FUN experience of self-discovery and transformation. Learn to resolve daily issues, develop better relationships, and come to better understand your life's path and purpose. Try the online version.

BounceBack helps people find happiness after heartbreak. Click here to get advice from our members.

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