When Sex Gets Taxing

With a very smart five and seven year old sharing the house with us, Rex and I have to be careful about what we say and do.

This means trading in our pre-children evening attire (that would be our birthday suits) for Ward Cleaver pajamas (Rex) and bulky blue bathrobes (Me).

This means when we drop a plate of freshly made spaghetti all over a freshly mopped floor we shout, Battlestar Galactica style, "Oh, Frak! That's one bloody mess!"

It means that often times we're big, fat, modesty hypocrites and I flash my husband while the kids are in the other room - my one last rebellion against grandma attire.

Sometimes we'll accidentally mutter under our breath, "Oh Fxxx", only to have the two of them dash like white on rice into the kitchen to announce, "You said a bad word! Give us a quarter!" (Shocking that they don't hear "Time for dinner" from five feet away but can sprint like Sandra Bullock to a divorce attorney across the lawn to steal our cash.)

I don't mind. For one thing, profanity around kids should not be condoned. Why shouldn't I pay for my potty mouth? After all, I certainly pay for my taxes.

And I smile about them, too.

This is because "taxes" in our home is another word for "nookie". I can't tell you how many laughs we have had over the dinner table referring to it.

Rex: "Love, are we ever going to get to the taxes?"

Me: "I don't know. Am I going to get a ginormous, happy refund if we do them tonight?"

Rex: "I don't know. Depends on how long they take."

Me: "I'm not in the mood for an overly long prep session. I'm thinking we just bang them out."

Rex: "That works for me. I just wish we had more time."

Me: "Perhaps you need a bigger extension." (Wink wink.)

Rex: "That's a gross underestimate of the current facts. Lucky for you, I'll still make a deposit."

So far our code language is working pretty well. Of course, one day, our kids will arrive home from school and ask why tax season for most folk is in the Spring and we do it all year long.

By then, we'll be like the rest of the married folk out there and just put locks on our bedroom doors. Why not? We already have the boring pajamas and bathrobe.

Anybody else talk in code?

* Photo from Allposters.com

Posted by Andrea Frazer


More from Good Housekeeping:
* Plan a Perfect Mother's Day!
* Spice Up the Bedroom
* Update Your Wardrobe For Less
* Dress For Your Body Type
* For More Tips & Tricks You Can Count On: Subscribe to Good Housekeeping & Save!

Reprinted with Permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.