When You Catch Him Watching Porn
Statistics on this topic are unreliable, as almost anybody interviewed about it will lie, but it's believed that something like 8 out of 10 adult men are regular watchers of porn and explicit hard-core sex. They may download it on their computers. They may watch it when they're bored. They may look at it on cable television late at night when the rest of the family has gone to bed. And despite the ease and popularity of the internet, many, many men still buy hardcore pornographic magazines, which they keep hidden in their bathrooms, under their beds, or at work, especially if they work in an all male or male-dominated environment.
So how upset should you be when you accidentally stumble on your loved one's treasure trove of smut? The answer is…not much. While most women affect to be offended, disgusted or even enraged by pornography, the great majority of men enjoy it. They rightly say their love of porn has little or anything to do with how they feel about real women. Also, remember that unlike women, the average man thinks about sex dozens if not hundreds of times a day. You didn't think he was thinking about you all the time, did you?
My Husband is a Sex Addict
What about the hiding part? Aside from a real need to keep it from the kids, it's natural for a man to want to keep his porn collection far from the prying eyes of his partner. For one thing, it is his, which means that it's private. He also may be afraid (and usually with good reason) his partner will be upset or angry about it, which will lead to a fight about why he has or watches it. Even in the closest of relationships, everyone has a right to privacy. Love doesn't require that you share everything.
What if you stumble on his porn and discover he's into something you find really repulsive? It happens. It's one thing to learn that your man has a secret fetish for massive breasts; quite another to be clued in to the realization he's into a sexuality that is dark or deeply disturbing. The gamut of sexual fantasy and fetishes is large, however, and it's not unusual to be into unusual things. Be concerned only if you find out your husband or partner is watching or harboring material that is illegal, i.e. underage models, animals, snuff films, violence. If that is so, get the help of a trained professional to deal with this kind of problem.
Pornography While Married
The important thing to bear in mind about porn is that it's fantasy. Fantasy is not real, and what's more, it's free and unregulated. Besides, you probably have your own stash of porn stocked away somewhere, except you your eye candy is your special collection of food, fashion, celebrity or decorating magazines. Chacun a son gout is what I say. That's French for "each to his own taste." Also, don't worry much about it, and live and let live!
Eve Marx writes frequently about sex for ThirdAge.com.
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