When Your Booty Call Wants to Spoon
For some people, casual sex is no longer the sole goal of a booty call; casual intimacy has come into (the) play.
We call this The Free Trial: Some people can sample cheese in Whole Foods and keep on shopping, while others immediately purchase five pounds of super-aged gouda. And so with relationships: Some people like a small nibble of relationship - a bit of cuddling and hand-holding here, a bit of brunch with the crossword there - but it doesn't make them crave an entire block of commitment. You can tempt them with free trials 'til the cows come home, but that might be just enough to sate them.
Unfortunately, cutting off the supply doesn't change their behavior, either: some people just don't need cheese in their lives the way others do (at least, not yet). Especially when there's fro-yo next door and artisanal fudge across the street.
Free trial booty-callers realize that a little closeness can lead to hotter sex and more stimulating pillow talk. And for people who have learned to appreciate the trappings of monogamy, like home cooking and regular oral sex, but are loathe to be monogamous in those activities, there's a lot to be said for casual intimacy.
That said, a facsimile relationship can be tricky to navigate. To enjoy casual sex, you just have to acknowledge that sometimes sex is serious, and sometimes it's not. But to enjoy casual intimacy, you have to be casual about relationships, casual about people's expectations, and sometimes even casual about people's feelings.
Which is why we feel obliged to say this: You shall know the Free Trial Citizens by the trail of broken hearts they leave behind, by the ease and aloofness with which they perform PDA, by the days and days they can go without needing to see your face or bury their own in the crook of your neck - and you shall avoid them like the plague (or at least herpes).
For more on casual spooning, see another post on EMandLO.com,"Confession: I Need More Hot, Sweaty…Cuddling."
