When your guy's a real wanker...

Em and Lo
Getty Images
Getty Images


We wrote an article for this month's Details magazine about men who masturbate in long-term relationships. Like Lux at Boinkology, we too figured that it wasn't exactly breaking news that most men continue to slake the snake even when they're shacked up. This is 2008, after all: isn't self-love kind of a given?

But then we started asking around, and we were surprised to hear that plenty of women still take offense at their guys' self-love habit. More commonly, though, we heard from a ton of women who have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy with their guys (that works both ways) when it comes to masturbation--especially when it comes to the particulars of the masturbation fantasies. While we're all for honest communication, there is such a thing as TMI: Do you really want to know if your partner is rubbing one out to their hottie ex?

Our readers wonder whether or not masturbating to porn is cheating?

For the record, however, we did not write the headline of this article, "Jerking Off Is the New Infidelity." Or the sub-title, either: "Is your secret habit causing your marriage to slip through your fingers?" Because, in our book, masturbation is officially not cheating--and we think that, actually, a lack of masturbation is more likely to harm your marriage than a surplus of it. The wankers we interviewed (and we say "wankers" in the most affectionate, loving way) told us about the many ways that self-love saved the day: it can even up mismatched libidos, it can help curb the urge to stray, it can teach you how you like to be touched (information which you can then share with your partner), it can provide some much needed me-time, and it can help you cultivate dirty fantasies to share with each other in bed. Masturbation for men and women: two thumbs up!

Video: How Often Do You Masturbate?

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