Why It’s Okay to Break the Rules of Dating and Relationships

I was raised to live by the rules. My mother ruled with an iron fist and so I never lived on the edge.

Make your bed in the morning. Don't tell anyone about our family issues. Never lend clothing to friends, or anyone else for that matter.

These are a few of the guidelines that I followed most of my life. Once I began dating, I lived by my mother's example. I set rules about when to kiss …

Kiss a guy on the cheek on the first date. Give him a tap kiss on the second date. A full-on make out session is allowed on the third date.

When to have sex…

Only sleep with a guy if you're in a relationship. If you're not in a relationship, he must wait 90 days (three months). And don't ever go down south unless he's boyfriend material.

Related: 7 of the creepiest things men have said on dates

And even rules about calling a man…

Call a guy two days after a first date. Never initiate contact after you have sex. Never call him two times consecutively.

I was terrible, I know. I didn't know how to be any other way. I didn't know how to live life without control. Losing control and breaking rules meant being vulnerable, and I wasn't ready for that then.

It all changed when I turned the big 3-0.

I don't know what it is about being in my 30s, but I now choose to live life a little bit on the edge. Maybe I grew tired of being Perfect Sujeiry. Perfection is overrated. It's boring. Mostly, I've decided to break my rules of dating and relationships because I want to live day by day.

So, why should we break relationship rules? Why should you live on the edge when dating and/or in love? Because setting rules for dating and relationships limits us. It puts the people that we are dating in a box. I now see every man that I meet as his own person, as an individual. It's difficult but I try to see the relationship as is and not judge him and compare him to the men in my past. Besides, setting rules for matters of the heart is pointless. When we are in love, we don't lead with our heads … we follow our hearts. As much as I set rules to protect myself from heartbreak, vulnerability and disappointment, that's part of life. That's part of loving. Those emotions helped me become the person that I am, for good and bad. Now I know the type of relationship, man, and love that I desire.

That wouldn't be the case if I would've stuck with my rules. Because I broke my rules, I have loved freely and sometimes foolishly. Isn't that how love is supposed to be? Yes, it is.

Love should be comfortable, free, and life-altering. Love cannot be any of these things if we don't lose control.

So, in honor of Guy Fawkes Day on Tuesday, November 5, I challenge you to add a little anarchy to your dating life or current relationship. Go ahead, live life on the edge. Break the rules. You might be surprised what happens …

-By Sujeiry Gonzalez

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