They watch more porn, are the primary consumers of phone sex, go to strip clubs much more frequently, and pay for prostitutes. All in all, men pay for sex much more than women do - even men in committed, long-term relationships. This has been the case across time and cultures. Why is sex such a hot commodity for men but not for women?There are several answers to this, one of which you probably already know.
1. On average, men have higher sex drives than women. While there is much research stressing the fact that there is tremendous variability within the sexes, none-the-less men still on average report a higher sex drive than women. This is probably due to both hormonal and environmental factors - such as higher levels of testosterone, and fewer social consequences for sexual behavior. But sex drive is just one factor that plays a role in men's willingness to buy sex.
2. Sometimes a guy just wants to just "have sex," and not "make love." Women often thrive on the emotional connection that love-making provides. Men don't necessarily always want to focus on emotions. Paying for sex makes it a business transaction - emotions are not a part of the deal.
3. Buying sex helps him avoid performance anxiety. Women are complicated sexually. Men often experience women as sexually mysterious, and hard to please. This complexity can make him anxious, and may result in difficulty getting or keeping an erection - what sex therapists refer to as performance anxiety. When a man buys sex, he doesn't have to worry about pleasing his partner.
4. Buying sex gives him a sense of freedom. Some men find long-term relationships constricting. They might describe feeling "penned in" or "controlled" by a committed partner. Buying sex can offer a man an immediate sense of independence and sexual autonomy.
5. It eases abandonment issues. Buying sex may make him feel less emotionally connected to his primary partner. Some men are afraid to let a beloved close to their heart. They might be anxious about getting hurt or being left by their partner. For these men, buying sex creates a distance in their committed relationship that actually feels soothing.
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For related stories on genConnect:
- Dr. Marianne Brandon: Connecting Without Sex (SLIDESHOW)
- 4 Lessons I've Learned as a Sex Therapist
- Dr. Pat Allen Answers: Why Don't I Have a Great Relationship?
- Physical Therapy for Your Relationship
- Dr. Sara NasserZadeh: Sexual Problems? What Problems? (VIDEO)
About the Author:
Dr. Marianne Brandon is a clinical psychologist and Diplomat in sex therapy through AASECT. Dr. Brandon is Director of Wellminds Wellbodies LLC in Annapolis, Maryland. She is author of Monogamy: The Untold Story and co-author with Dr. Andrew Goldstein of Reclaiming Desire: 4 Keys to Finding Your Lost Libido.
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