Why I want my guy to ogle other women
Whether your guy is on AshleyMadison.com or somehow started an affair the old-fashioned way, there's one good reason why he's cheating on you: You don't let him look at other women ... Or so say researchers who found that men who were interrupted while admiring attractive women were more likely to cheat on their ladies if given the chance. See, if you make something "forbidden" to a human male, he will just want it even more. Their inner monologue must go something like, "Me like naked woman. Wife say NO. Me so Neanderthal me go do other woman right now."
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Guess it's just like telling a toddler they can't have McDonald's or a PMSing woman she can't have chocolate.
At first read, this research sounds like a bunch of BS, and makes me want to go off on a tirade about men acting like big babies who sadly haven't evolved in thousands of years on this planet. Then, after letting it sink in, I realized the research does have a point ...
Maybe we should make our men look so long and hard at other women that the other women get so tweaked out thinking your guy is a STALKER that they call the cops! That'll show your man! He'll be so freaked, he'll never cheat!
... Nah. Just kidding!
The crux of the issue here has less to do with "looking" and more to do with merely accepting your man for how he is: Horny.
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You've heard it before -- we're not a naturally monogamous species. What is natural is for a straight man to get turned on by women (in general). Even if his heart is yours, he's gonna look at other ladies. Hopefully! I mean, if he has a libido, that is, and isn't a closet case. Or would you rather he wasn't interested in sex or ... was interested in pulling a Brokeback on you?
Sure, there are guys who take it to an extreme. There is a difference between occasionally admiring another woman vs. being a dog and perpetually drooling over other women or, God forbid, practically hitting on them. But if it's the former, I'm sure he's still respecting you, it's normal, and you should just thank your lucky stars he still has a sex drive! Trying to shut that down is a mistake.
I'm personally all for my guy looking. (That includes watching porn or the occasional trip to Hooters or a strip club.) When he checks out another woman, I'm confident that it's just a natural, healthy expression of his sex drive. He'll even tell me who he thinks is a hottie, and I'll give my take, too. (We totes agree on Mila Kunis -- not so much on Jessica Alba.) Sure, occasionally, I'll do the insecure-girl thing and wonder if maybe he would rather I was blonder like Christina Aguilera or had more goin' on bust-wise like Scarlett Johansson. But I give that nonsense two seconds, then I shut my stupid inner blather down! Because it's not about that. He's not comparing me to them. He just thinks they're hot. That's it. No psychoanalysis of his attraction to me required.
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Furthermore, when did we forget that it's okay for us women to look, too? I had the good fortune to meet with a certain very tall, very handsome, famous Australian TV chef this week, and yes, of course I was looking! He's gorgeous! Don't even try to tell me you wouldn't look, either. Does admiring someone else's good looks, or even indulging in a passing "Teenage Dream" about someone else mean you don't love your S.O. or are more likely to cheat? NO. It just means you're a woman. You're ALIVE. You have a brain and hormones, and someone sexy turned you on. (Oh noes!) Embrace it, lady!
Here's what it boils down to, to quote very wise words from a friend of mine who is about to tie the knot: "It's okay to have an appetite, as long as you eat at home." Can I get an amen, sisters?
Do you mind your guy looking (as long as he doesn't touch)? Do you think that not letting him look would make him more likely to touch?
Image via Conor J. Meagher/Flickr
Written by Maressa Brown for CafeMom's blog, The Stir.
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