Why You Need to Be More Selfish
By Kelli Cooper for BounceBack.com
The word ''selfish'' definitely has a negative connotation, but when we strip that away, it merely implies acting in our own self-interest. To me, this is not always a bad thing. In fact, most of the time, it is not a bad thing. We are conditioned, however, to always put ourselves last and think of others first. We are expected to make other people happy before we make ourselves happy.
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To reject this idea does not mean that we should indulge in every whim without giving a thought to how our actions affect others. It does not mean that we should screw people over just to get what we want. It is vital to make the distinction between truly hurting people with our actions and simply upsetting people because doing what we want somehow interferes with what they want. This is a distinction too few people fail to make in life and it is costing them dearly. They deny themselves so many things because they have this fear of being labeled ''selfish.''
If you are a mother and you are down to your last 20 dollars before your next paycheck, then it is definitely wrong to get a manicure instead of buying food for your child. If the only way you can fund your dream vacation is to steal money from your senile grandmother, then you need to go about fulfilling that dream another way. Truly hurting other people is not an acceptable means of acquiring your own happiness.
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If you are a mother hoping to further her career options by going back to school, it is not ''selfish'' for you to expect your husband or ex-husband to actually participate in your children's lives and take an active part in their care if up until this point that has not been a normal part of his daily routine. If you are looking to take an amazing job opportunity across the country, you are not ''selfish'' for leaving behind the family member who has become completely dependent on you to solve all of her problems and cannot seem to get her act together. If you are sick of living in mediocrity and want a better life, it is not ''selfish'' to break up with your partner, who is perfectly content to keep living the life you can no longer stand and who does not share your desire to improve yourself and your circumstances.
It is these types of situations that plague most people when it comes to the whole ''selfish'' thing. You are not truly hurting anyone by pursuing the things you want, but people are upset at your choices because they do not like them and then you are labeled the ''selfish'' one for causing the unhappiness of other people. Then you are reluctant to do the things you truly want, even though there is absolutely nothing wrong with these desires.
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Something is definitely off here. We have a responsibility not to endanger the physical, mental or emotional well-being of other people in the pursuit of our desires; we are not responsible, however, for other people's happiness, nor is anyone responsible for ours.
Caring about yourself, your needs and your happiness is nothing to feel guilty about and if you are like most people, you are probably not doing this nearly enough. As long as you are not truly hurting people or are expecting people to sacrifice their needs to meet yours, you should do as you please without apology. Anyone who gives you flack for that is probably jealous and wishes they had the courage to be more ''selfish.''
Kelli Cooper is a freelance writer who runs the personal development blog Life Made to Order . She is also the author of Passing on Parenthood: A Childfree Woman Speaks Out .
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