Will He Ever Change?

Someone emailed me today asking me if her boyfriend would ever change. He has apparently "tried to change," but has never come full circle. They've broken up 5 times in 3 years. According to her, he hasn't cheated on her. This need for change stems from the fact that he's immature, a poor planner and easily distracted by his guy friends. They'll make plans, she'll wait for him to pick her up and at times he won't show up because he simply "forgot." Sometimes, she claims, she'll show up at his place only to find him sleeping.

She said she just wants him to be a "normal" boyfriend. And if he couldn't be, she wanted to try to find the strength to move on.

So I asked her to answer these questions about her relationship to determine her next course of action. And if you're going through a similar problem, then get out your pen and paper ladies!

Has he ever taken full responsibility for his actions (not blaming you because you didn't call to wake him up before your date - even though you couldn't have known he was sleeping)?

Does he actually try to change?

If so, what issues has he successfully conquered in order to keep your relationship moving forward?

Have you tried to change? In other words, can some of the problems be avoided if you attempt to see things from his perspective?

Do you wish he would just miraculously grow up?

Do you feel like his mother because you're nagging him all the time?

She answered these questions and realized that although she had put in every effort to change the relationship for the better, he had not even lifted a finger. She broke up with him that very day, broken hearted, but knowing that she wanted to be with someone who was equally as invested in the relationship as she.

Every relationship has its problems, but generally they can be solved when both parties are willing to put in the work. If he is genuinely trying to change and you are open to working on issues that he may have with you (yes, you're not right 100% of the time), then you will continue to grow together. If not, then it may be time to break up and be your own catalyst for change.

MJ, brokenheartedgirl.com.