4 To Dos For Your Sex Life in 2011.
- Amber Madison, BettyConfidential.com
It's that time of the year again. Wrapping up the best of 2010, the worst of 2010, and deciding what it is we'll do better in 2011. And as a "sexpert" I have to ask that while you're making your new year's to do lists, that you make space for some sexual goals as well. Here are your 2011 Sex Resolutions:
1. Take Charge of Your Sexual Pleasure
So much of our sex life can be wrapped up in a guy's satisfaction. Do I look hot on top? Oh man, did my bikini waxer get my butt crack? Should I fake an orgasm so that he doesn't feel bad? Should I fake an orgasm so that he'll finish already and I can go on with my life? This year, pledge to take charge of your sexual pleasure and make it a priority. If you're not having regular orgasms when you have sex show your guy what he can do to make them happen more often. If you're not having orgasms at all, spend some time getting to know your body on your own without the pressure of your partner (that's right ladies, I'm telling you to masturbate). And if you're still having trouble, perhaps consider enlisting the help of a mechanical friend.
2. Take Charge of Your Sexual Health
I know, I know, this one is a Debbie downer. But unfortunately, sex isn't all fun and games. Stay on top of your sexual health by getting regular pap-smears, screened for STDs, and take the plunge and get an HIV test too (yes, it's terrifying, but you really do want to know). If you haven't gotten the HPV vaccine yet, ask your doctor about it, and see if it makes sense for you. And if you don't already have a regular method of contraception you like, talk with your doctor about that, too. These days you have a million options: the ring, the patch, the pill, the rod, the T….seriously, something for everybody.
Actually use them.
Remember that while doing the responsible thing may suck at the time, it always pays off in the long run.
3. Take Charge of Your Relationships.
Your relationship mantra should be this: If he doesn't make me feel good, I'm dumping him. Don't waste your time waiting around for phone calls, dealing with a guy who's hot and cold, who won't fully commit, or settling in a relationship where you don't feel adored. This year, cut off the deadwood. Cliché yes, but there really are a lot of fish in the sea. Cut your ties with the toxic guys from your past, and cast your net back in to find ones who are better.
4. After Your Mistakes, Do Something
New Year's resolutions are made to broken. Yes, you will stuff your face with pizza, binge on sweets, spend too much money, and eventually break most of the other things you vowed not to do in 2011. It's human to make mistakes. But what matters most is what you do afterwards. If you hook up with a guy on your no-no list, instead of beating yourself up about it the next day, do something proactive, and delete him from your phone. If you have unprotected sex, or the condom slipped off, don't just freak out about it, get emergency contraception, because the sooner you take it, the better it works. Take 15 minutes out of your day, go to a drug store and buy Plan B One-Step™. Assuming you're over 16, you don't even need a prescription.
It's never too late to make a responsible choice once you've made an irresponsible one. Usually the road to better choices starts with forgiving yourself for your less-than-better ones. So here's to 2011, and all the new opportunities it will bring. May you be happy, healthy, and having great sex with someone you love-even if that someone is yourself.
Amber Madison is a sex educator and author of Hooking Up: A Girl's All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality, and Talking Sex With Your Kids. You can check out Amber's website at www.ambermadisononline.com.
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