How to be your own life coach
I wouldn't mind my own personal Oprah: someone I could sit down with who could help me identify my goals, live my life's purpose, and become self-actualized and Zen-like. And in our own way, that's what Real-Life Makeover is all about: helping you to transform your life in the way that works for you (we're still working on the Zen part).
Enter Coaching Sanctuary, a new online community life coaching site that brings the coaching experience to those of us on a budget. Here, co-creator Bettina Jetter gets us started on questions to ask ourselves, how to form a game plan, and some Real Talk about how change really happens (hint: there's no magic pill).
ASK YOURSELF TWO QUESTIONS
1. What gives me joy and energy?
"Women are outstanding supporters of their family and friends, and they're great team players. But when it comes to focusing on themselves, taking some time for themselves, and identifying what they like doing, women don't always serve themselves as well," says Jetter. Get started by by writing down all the things and activities you like doing: hiking, looking at food blogs, planning your next party. These are activities that can renew your energy. When you're having a bad day or just feeling blue, you can come back to the list for ways to make things right again.
Don't diminish the importance of these activities. "A common mistake that people make when they're looking for 'their purpose' in life is to simply overlook or downplay what they enjoy doing," says Jetter. "They associate purpose with almost imperceptible grand or divine concepts. The activities we truly enjoy are great indicators of our purpose. We can find ourselves and our purpose in and through the 'little things' in life."
2. What am I telling myself? What's my inner critic saying?
Ah, that delightful inner voice. The one that tells us we're not good enough, that we might as well give up, that solace could very well be found in the bottom of the Cheetos bag. "Once we acknowledge it and engage our inner critic in a dialogue with our true self, we become free to grow, thrive, and move forward towards our purpose." Compartmentalize that voice. Give it a name if you want. And feel free to tell it to shut up when it's out of line. And it usually is. Think of it this way: would you let your inner critic talk to your best friend like that?
DRAW UP A MAP
Many of us have goals that stay tucked away in our journals or in the day-dreaming corner of our mind because we don't know how to get started. But getting going can be as simple as examining that goal with some questions. Jetter suggests asking, "the questions that you may have been afraid to ask yourself: Why do you want to achieve it? What prevents you from achieving it? How will you feel when you achieve it? And what will you reward yourself with once you achieve it?"
Next, bring your goals to life by imagining them in full, says Jetter. "Daydream about them, incorporate them into a visualization meditation, and create a vision board of photos that best represent your goals." Or, bringing your goals to life can be as simple as writing about them in a journal. Whichever method you choose, let your visualization inspire you and keep you on track. "Your visualization will become your road map to your desired future-your fulfilled life," says Jetter.
PRACTICE, CELEBRATE, AND HAVE FAITH
Jetter finds enormous value in the words of author Robert Collier: "Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Change takes persistence, practice, and patience.
Not terribly sexy, right? "Sorry, but there are no quick fixes in life," says Jetter. "Transformation rarely happens overnight." Think of it this way: even if it did happen overnight, the results wouldn't feel nearly as satisfying or significant.
Instead, implement small daily efforts that won't overwhelm you, but that can lead to real change over time in the way you deal with everyday situations, as well as how you you feel, think and act. "Do simple things that help you stay focused on what you want, and what you like to do. Give yourself a short break and stand up from your desk every 45 minutes. Walk around the block during your lunch break. Or state what you're grateful for before you go to sleep."
Don't underestimate baby steps. Even as little as five minutes a day can produce effects, sometimes subtle, sometimes profound. But the important thing is making the time for yourself. "You are worth it to spend a few minutes a day for the things that are important for you," says Jetter. "Set boundaries at work and at home to focus on yourself first, and reward yourself with a hot bubble bath, a new book or thanking yourself in the mirror for being you."
It might be hard daily work to make our thoughts, words, feelings, and actions mirror our most heartfelt intentions, but if it keeps us from falling back into the same self-defeating behaviors, it's got to be worth it. "We need to learn to walk our talk, boldly, passionately and respectfully," says Jetter.
So, are you ready to dive into your homework this weekend?
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Photo credit: Getty Images
