25 Secret Weapons to Lower Holiday Stress

25 sneaky ways to shop smart, reduce the stress, and get ready for a happy, healthy holiday.

By Rose Kennedy and Diana Reese




Holidays done right, your way

Oh, the irony of those Christmas carols. You're singing about "chestnuts roasting on an open fire," but experiencing meltdowns by the microwave. Jingle Bells sounds way too close to Jangled Nerves and "sleep in heavenly peace" is almost comical if you think about it. That's because, for most of us, the holiday season involves lots of stress mixed in with all the Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree.

But a little stress isn't going to stop most Motherboard Moms. in a recent survey they told us they aren't going to let anything get in the way of creating a special holiday for families. And they're not counting on Santa's elves for help, either; they have their own secret weapons for shopping, making holiday goodies, decorating, and keeping it all under budget. Here's their advice.

1. Be choosy about traditions

We tend to cling desperately to traditions. After a while, it starts feeling as though it's impossible to let go, no matter how tough to do midnight Mass, cut your own Christmas tree, make latkes from scratch with your elderly neighbors, visit the Santa three towns away, and have a lavish Merlot and crown roast supper with the cool friends from college. But setting priorities, even when it comes to which traditions to honor, can be a step toward holiday sanity.

Kathy Varner O'Bryan in Richmond, Virginia, has taken a simple first step. "I started sending Christmas cards every other year," says the child welfare paralegal, whose children are 22, 7, and 5. "I get the same enjoyment with half the stress."

Start a New Holiday Tradition


2. Get your family's input

"Ask your family what's important to them," says Bonnie Joy Dewkett, owner of The Joyful Organizer in Ridgefield, Connecticut. "They may not care whether the outside of the house looks like Pottery Barn, but if you don't make gingerbread houses together, they'll be devastated." That's what Motherboard Mom Barbara Alden Wilson, mom of two daughters in Philadelphia, has done. "We've stripped the holidays down to the important stuff for us," she says.


3. Make your own traditions

Kathleen Waclawski and Clint Brauer of Virginia Beach, Virginia, are as itchy to open their gifts as any 7-year-old. But they've got four sets of grandparents for son Caden, who's 21 months old, and lots of pressure to see everyone in a 20-mile radius before noon Christmas morning. "Caden still opens his presents everywhere, but we now open our presents at our house on Christmas Eve. That's so much fun!" Waclawski says.

She also has started her own tradition with her son: reading Christmas books. "That's the one expenditure I make for my son during Christmas, since he gets so many gifts from other people-I buy him some special books that we read every night," she says. "Gifts are nice, but there's another-the true gift is we have each other."

The holiday season is no time to wing it. Timelines, calendars, checklists-they all help keep a super busy time in control. For Darcy Munzer, owner of Organize4U in Independence, Missouri, the secret weapon is a "Christmas notebook" she keeps on a shelf in her office. She writes everything down-from her favorite holiday recipes to the gifts she buys throughout the year.

To make decorating easier at her house, Noelle Micek, owner of An Organized Nest, an interior organization and design firm in San Francisco, takes photos of everything-from her mantel and tree to her porch-so she can easily create it each year. And Jennifer Reid, mom of three sons in Lenexa, Kansas, keeps a list of where every single decoration goes. You don't mess with a mom with a plan!

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4. Map it out

The holiday season is no time to wing it. Timelines, calendars, checklists-they all help keep a super busy time in control. For Darcy Munzer, owner of Organize4U in Independence, Missouri, the secret weapon is a "Christmas notebook" she keeps on a shelf in her office. She writes everything down-from her favorite holiday recipes to the gifts she buys throughout the year.

To make decorating easier at her house, Noelle Micek, owner of An Organized Nest, an interior organization and design firm in San Francisco, takes photos of everything-from her mantel and tree to her porch-so she can easily create it each year. And Jennifer Reid, mom of three sons in Lenexa, Kansas, keeps a list of where every single decoration goes. You don't mess with a mom with a plan!

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5. Hit the post office early

December can be an ugly month at the P.O., which is why it's wise to get mailing supplies-return address labels, stamps, and even boxes-early, says Noelle Micek. Oliva, mom of four and grandmother of seven grandsons in Leawood, Kansas, takes it even further: she typically has her cards and personal stationery for holiday newsletters all ready by the end of October. Also smart: setting up a wrapping, packing, card-assembling station at home. And mail any packages two weeks before Christmas.

6. Give up on the perfection

It's so easy for expectations to get out of hand this time of the year, says Walnut Creek, California, pediatrician Lisa M. Asta, M.D., a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics. That's true about decorating or gift-giving. "Your kids won't remember if every package had a handmade bow or whether you can decorate cookies like a pastry chef." That goes for the budget too. Don't let too-generous gifts in December lead to January distress over credit card bills.

"I constantly fall into the perfection trap," says Wimberly Thompson, a therapist primarily for school-aged children at a large hospital chain based in Knoxville, Tenn. "This is the one time of year I have to recognize all the people who are important to me, like the secretaries at work-they do everything around here."

Last year, Thompson says she finally realized she was going too far when a few days before Christmas she was madly rushing around trying to learn the names of the guys who pick up her curbside recycling so she could personalize a gift card. "Now I've made a deal with myself that I'll recognize all these people, but it's not going to be in the middle of the Christmas rush. I'm picking a week in April."

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7. Stop searching for the perfect gift

The Wise Men did not visit 27 stores in three malls seeking the perfect gift, yet moms everywhere spend countless hours obsessing over presents. In fact, a Motherboard survey reports that finding the perfect gift for loved ones is the most stressful aspect of the holiday season (along with affording and budgeting for those gifts).

Instead of wearing yourself out, try online shopping to save time (and sometimes money), says one Motherboard mom. Or reach for that gift that every tween and teen is happy with: a gift card that gives them the freedom to pick something they really want.

Discover money-saving Holiday Secrets!


8. Make a Santa list

Sherri Hefley, a mom of two young sons in Oronogo, Missouri, shops ahead, too, but she does it by making scrupulous lists, jotting down ideas for each one that she keeps in mind as she shops all year. In fact, she listens carefully so she doesn't have to ask them what they want and can surprise them. She saves big on gifts and, she says, "I don't wind up with a lot of stuff I don't really need."

Another option is to let Grandma be Santa. That's what Atlanta mom Carol Norton finally gave into and it's made her life easier. "My husband's mother has a decent amount of money and really wants to provide a grandiose display for her grandkids on birthdays and Christmas- I'm talking sleighs, bells, and a glue gun here," says Norton. "Grandma gives them a Wii, 10 Wii games, the latest Nintendo DS and all the latest DS games they've been begging for."

9. Prezzies, just for kids

Another option if you're cash-strapped or would rather donate money to charity, is to broker a deal with your family that only children will get gifts. "It's important to choose your words carefully," says therapist Wimberly Thompson. "I just say, 'Let's really commit to this. It's going to be tough for me, too, but I don't want the stress to land on my child of having too many things.' And it's also good to say, 'What's important is that we're together at the holidays,' so people know you care about them." If she's faltering on the "let's simplify" speech, Thompson says she refocuses on communicating her main goal: "I don't want my daughter's expectations to be 49 presents for her under the tree. That's not the life I want for her; that's not my value."

Even if some family members don't abide by the rule, stick to your guns, says therapist Thompson. If you've agreed not to exchange, just let them enjoy their gesture without worrying, she says. It's enough to simply say "Thank you."

10. Go ahead and regift

Kathleen Waclawski's son is the only grandchild on both sides of the family, which both involve a myriad of divorces and new partners. "People go overboard, we end up with the entire back end of a large Pathfinder packed to where you can't see out the back- overdoing it," she says. Since pleas to relatives to cease and desist have fallen on deaf ears, and they seem to get so much enjoyment from shopping for her son, Waclawski says she's stopped stressing over the loot. Instead, she just redistributes the overabundance, dividing it among Goodwill and friends who are more cash-strapped.

"Caden certainly won't miss the toys, and when he's a little older I hope he'll realize that not everyone has so many riches. I like giving the gifts away to people who will enjoy them more than he will. And it's the Christmas season, when we should all be thinking about giving to those who aren't as fortunate."

11. Keep a gift closet

Moms around the country agree on this time- and money-saving tip: shop year-round for gifts. Many take the approach of Deanna Tannahill, a mom of three sons and grandmother of three in Safety Harbor, Florida: "If I see a toy I think a child will grow into by next year, I'll go ahead and get it, especially things on sale. I've hardly ever gotten burned, and I'm ready for Christmas, birthdays, parties-it really makes life easier." It eases the strain on the budget, too, by spreading costs.

12. Give memories

"Focus on experiences and not stuff when you're choosing gifts," suggests Bonnie Joy Dewkett of Connecticut. "Look for clutter-free; most people do not need more bath salts or candles. Give a museum or zoo membership-that's great for kids, too, or a manicure or massage." Double the fun and choose something like dance lessons and do the activity with your gift recipient.

Get Tips for Organizing Your Holiday Photos



13. One per family

Family gifts simplify the gift-giving process as well. "We've received season passes to Silver Dollar City (a theme park in Branson, Missouri) and the local aquatic center," says Sherri Hefley, who lives nearby. "These are things we probably wouldn't buy on our own, but they end up being a fun family activity." The same goes for board games or an electronic game system.

14. Make it yourself

It really is the thought that counts, according to Motherboard Moms, who think homemade gifts are often the most appreciated. "We've done homemade ornaments, picture frames, wreaths with the kids' handprints for the grandparents," says Jessica Payne, mom of three young children in Granby, Colorado. Becky Reynolds Johnson, Knoxville, Tennessee, likes to give a favorite recipe along with a bottle of wine or sparkling grape juice.

15. Leave wrapping to the elves

Even those who love to wrap may run out of enthusiasm after a gift-wrapping marathon. To make it easier, use gift bags. If you tie on a tag or put a sticky tag on tissue paper that peeks out, the gift recipient will be able to re-use the bag. To save or add a personal touch, create your own custom wrappings by decorating grocery bags, newspapers, or other paper products with drawings or rubber stamps, says Noelle Micek, of San Francisco.

16. Stock your pantry

Figure out what you usually bake or make for the holidays and how much of the ingredients you'll need. Then start looking for those items on sale in the fall, says Leslie Tannahill, mom of two in Chatfield, Minnesota.

"I have five bags of flour-plenty to get me through the holidays," she says. "And all were on sale for 99 cents each." Don't forget spices and things like baking powder. And if you're having guests over the holidays, remember to stock up on toilet paper.

Buying the extra groceries over a couple of months and on sale helps the budget stay in shape-and you won't have last-minute trips to the store while in the middle of making Christmas goodies.

17. Use the freezer

You don't have to wait until the last minute to do all of your holiday baking. Marianne Oliva starts in November, making double batches of the six different cookies that are her family's favorites and putting them in the freezer. She also starts early so she can share some of the cookies at Thanksgiving.

18. Team up

Struggling to get the Christmas cards out? Get the whole family involved and set up an assembly line. One child can stuff envelopes, another can put stamps on. "If everybody participates, you can get it done," says organizer Dewkett. The same goes for baking. Gather a group of friends and do a cookie swap. Everyone goes home happy-and with their cookie supply for the season.

19. Entertaining made simple

Get-togethers are lovely, but they don't have to be fancy or expensive. Keep holiday parties casual dress code, says Dewkett, so you-and guests-don't feel obligated to buy a new outfit. "Tell everyone it's jeans and an ugly holiday sweater." Think: potluck, games, movies, casual. An added bonus: "It makes cleanup easier, too, because guests take their dirty dish with any leftovers home," says Colorado mom Michelle Speak.

20. Travel your way

The best travel tip for families with small children: If it's going to stress you out, don't do it. "Travel at the holidays is expensive, prone to delays, and often emotionally charged," says pediatrician Asta. Ask relatives to come to your house if you have young children. Plus, the holidays fall during cough-and-cold season, she says. Save travel for a family reunion when the weather is nice and kids are healthy.

Deanna Tannahill agrees. When her children were young, she put her foot down on travel at Christmas. "I wanted the boys to be home where they could open their presents Christmas morning and stay home playing with them instead of traveling."

21. Make a plan B

If you do travel, remember that the best-laid plans can and do go awry. "You don't know what the weather will do in December," points out organizer Munzer. Or someone can get sick. She knows. "Years ago I woke up on Easter Sunday with strep throat," she says. Not wanting to expose others, especially elderly relatives, to the illness, she and her family stayed home from the dinner they had planned to attend.

She hadn't bothered to grocery shop and stores were closed, so they had frozen pizza for Easter dinner. Since then, she makes a "just-in-case" alternate menu and has holiday items like chicken, pumpkin pie, and eggnog on hand.

Last Christmas Eve, it started sleeting and Kansas City was hit with a major winter storm, canceling their travel plans. This time Munzer was prepared.

22. Take care of yourself

Indulge in what relieves your stress, whether it's exercising at the gym, relaxing in a hot bath, or curling up with a good book. Remember: If you are stressed and crazy, it just makes everyone else stressed and miserable, says Dawn Schnake, mom of two young boys in Overland Park, Kansas. "Try not to get overwhelmed-and remember to embrace every experience."


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23. Strive for the ordinary

Even in the midst of the chaos, child therapist Thompson forces herself to carve out some ordinary at-home nights and weekends during the holiday season. She goes through her appointment calendar with a fat ink pen, at least a month ahead of time, and randomly marks off several days a week. "I have to make it visual, otherwise someone calls, or an invitation comes in, and I automatically write it down," she says. "This way I can honestly tell people, 'We're not free that day. We have other plans.' It doesn't matter that the plan happens to be to sit at home and stare at the wallpaper."

24. Take it one day at a time

Here's another simple tip that just makes so much sense it's hard to believe we didn't all adopt it years ago. Schedule only one event or organized activity per day at the holidays. That's the brainchild of Cristy Weidenheimer, a home health care nurse and the single mother of a 4-year-old in Knoxville, Tennessee. "I put so much emotional preparation into getting ready for a gathering, and so much planning for transportation and cooking and all, that it would be a shame not to just really enjoy it," she says. "That way, Maddie isn't on overload, either, and we're both learning that the best part of the holidays is taking the time to enjoy other people's company, not trying to cram in two events when we can enjoy only one."

25. Start early for next year

Preparing for the holidays is a year-round event for many moms. Some even start the day after Christmas, particularly when it comes to stocking up on supplies. "I always buy wrapping paper and ribbon at the end of the year at the sales," says mom and grandmother Marianne Oliva. It's also a great time to stock up on decorations and holiday linens.





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