The Great Date Night Movie Compromise
By Aaron Traister & Lauren Le Vine, REDBOOK
We've all had it-the dreaded "I want to watch this; he wants to watch that" debate. Allow us to suggest compromises you'll both enjoy for a fight-free flick night.
1. The Romantic Tearjerker, His Pick: The Professional
From Gary Oldman chewing up the scenery as a dope-dealing crooked cop to Natalie Portman as the ingénue who falls for a middle-aged, mentally-challenged hitman who can't read, this tragic early May/late December romantic tearjerker has it all. It also somehow manages to retain its innocence despite its creepy Lolita theme (as long as you don't think about it too much). Show me the person who doesn't get a little misty during the scene where [SPOILER ALERT] Leon and Mathilda share their final goodbye before he shoots and explodes his way out of the building in which they were hiding. Leon was so close to having a real life, but he knew it wasn't meant to be-and his final sacrifice proves to be the wind beneath Mathilda's wings.
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Her Rebuttal: Natalie Portman plays a 12-year-old who falls for a middle-aged mentally challenged man. I like my date night movies sans ick-factor, thanks.
The Romantic Tearjerker, Her Pick: The Notebook
Sometimes a girl just needs a little sappy romance featuring Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams' epic kiss in the rain (emphasis on the Gosling part), you know? She waited for him for seven years. He wrote to her every day. I'll stop quoting the movie verbatim now-I need to get some tissues, anyway. Remember: I could have asked him to watch A Walk to Remember or Dear John. The Notebook is getting off easy.
His Rebuttal: This movie is like bedbugs: Every dude is worried about discovering The Notebook in his apartment and suddenly having an itchy suspicion that he's being held to an unattainable Goslonian standard of romance. I's not real folks; not like The Professional. Also why does Rachel McAdams have to play Cyclops (a.k.a James Marsden, who played Cyclops in X-Men and Ryan Gosling's romantic rival in The Notebook) like that? What did Cyclops/James Marsden do to deserve getting played by his lady in every movie? Poor Cyclops-at least he's one of the X-Men.
The Romantic Tearjerker, The Compromise: Cocoon
All the genre-bending goodness of The Professional combined with The Notebook's sad old folks. This sci-fi epic about aliens, the fountain of youth, and the elderly of southern Florida is a real think piece-plus, '80s icon Steve Guttenberg in it. It makes you think about growing older with the people you love, and ultimately having to say goodbye to them all. It also makes you think about Steve Guttenberg getting it on with an alien. These are all great reasons why this is a great romantic tearjerker compromise (Warning: The scene with Hume Cronyn and his wife in the pool is almost too sad.)
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2. Sci-Fi, His Pick: Predator
Schwarzenegger, Weathers, and Ventura all in their prime and not talking about politics-it almost doesn't get any better than that. It's like an unholy union of 'roid-radness muscling its way onto your TV screen to battle a shimmery invisible alien that has a face like a crab and a taste for human skull trophies. This movie represents everything that was good about the '80s and helps explain why so many of us guys who grew up during that enchanted time are so severely emotionally stunted 20 years later.
Her Rebuttal: I know he's Mr. Universe, but I have trouble rectifying present-day Arnold Schwarzenegger with any of his old movie work. We'll always have The Terminator, though, Arnold.
Sci-Fi, Her Pick: Avatar
If I'm going to watch science fiction, there needs to be a love story involved. But please don't speak to me in Na'vi.
His Rebuttal: This movie is like a Bread and Puppet performance on the big lawn at UVM-you think its very profound until you sober up.
Sci-Fi, The Compromise: Alien
All the awesome '80s monsterness of Predator with none of the lingering aftertaste of Avatar. Plus, there's a sweet love story between Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) and Jonesie, her mischievous feline companion. Alien also provides an important window on a time when James Cameron actually knew how to make an awesome science fiction movie.
3. The Classics, His Pick: Chinatown
This is a gross movie about disgusting and depressing people-but that doesn't mean it isn't one of those films that you should see several times before you die.
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Her Rebuttal: I like my date night movies sans sadness and detritus, thank you very much.
The Classics, Her Pick: Gone With the Wind
It's one of the most romantic movies of all time, and if he can make it through at least an hour, I promise to recreate the famous "sweeping Scarlett off her feet and carrying her up the stairs" scene later tonight.
His Rebuttal: I used to think this was pretty great movie, but then I found out about Clarke Gable's crippling halitosis, and I've never been able to watch it the same way since.
The Classics, The Compromise: The Godfather
It's perfect, except for when Appollonia dies. Everything would have been better for Michael if he didn't marry a new-style American woman like Kaye. Dammit, Kaye, can't you love the man and leave the rest alone?
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