Candy LandBeing a parent is probably the greatest feeling you will ever know. Whether you're a mom or dad, there is just nothing else in the entire universe like being unconditionally loved by a little someone who you helped bring into this world.
Of course, kids can also be a major pain in the ass. We've all been children ourselves at one point, so we know firsthand. Yes, being a parent is awesome ... but it's not all bunnies, flowers, and rainbows. There are even some parts of parenthood that are a bit unpleasant.
So I give you the 10 Things I Hate Most About Being a Parent.
- Playing Candy Land. Seriously, the guy who created this game never had kids. He probably worked for the CIA in the prison torture department. Yeah, I think I'd rather be water boarded then have to visit the Gumdrop Mountains one more time.
- Doing homework. My wife generally handles the homework with the kids, and she has the patience of a saint. But even she loses it after spending two hours trying to get our 9 year old to write a single sentence. No, I'm not even exaggerating.
- Having "The Talk." My kids are still a little too young to have the full-on sex talk, but that day is coming soon. As the dad of two boys, its totally going to fall in my lap to teach them about the birds and the bees. I so could use a substitute teacher.
- Kid movies. Thankfully my kids are older and enjoy grown-up films like The Avengers and even the original Karate Kid. But I regularly have to suck it up and see a kids movie with them. I dodged Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, but suffered through Yogi Bear.
- Eye drops. Giving medicine to kids is awful no matter what. Ear drops are probably the best of the bunch. But eyedrops? Ugh even some adults get squeamish giving themselves eyedrops. Unless you're a master hypnotist, you'll end up squeezing out half the bottle just trying to get two stinkin' drops into their eye.
- New foods. Dinner can be the most stressful time in a family's life. Every day around 4 or 5 p.m., my youngest always asks, "What are we having for dinner?" If the answer isn't turkey burgers or macaroni and cheese, we've got a fight on our hands. Anytime we dare to try a new food with our kids, we're guaranteed to have screams, tears, gagging, and more over an excruciating two-hour period.
- The Berenstain Bears. I love animals. And I love reading. Big fan. The joy of reading to my kids and watching them read themselves is just indescribable. Unless the book happens to star the Berenstain Bears. They are easily the most painful books in the world. Cute characters. Good lessons. But soooo long and tedious and boring and tedious. Did I mention tedious? In fact, they're so bad, I think I'd rather play Candy Land.
- Chalk. Drawing with chalk on the driveway can be fun, except my kids can do it for hours on end. And they love to draw huge complex mazes all over the driveway. I like sitting and drawing, but bending over while drawing circle after circle after circle just kills my back and ends up chalkifying my clothes. Can't we just play baseball?
- School Carnivals. I'm all for school spirit but the annual school carnivals at the beginning of each new school year were created to truly test a parent's mettle. It's always the hottest day, the prizes are worse than the crummiest things you'd find at a dollar store, and the games are pretty old and rickety. Good thing it's all about fundraising.
- Bowling parties. I was on my high school bowling league. Go ahead and laugh. It was fun and I was decent. So I like to bowl. My kids are lukewarm on it. But bowling parties? Nothing like putting a seven-pound weapon in the hands of some 6-year-olds and telling them to throw it!
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What do you think is the worst part about being a parent?
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