10 Things Not to Say to a Mom of a Big Family

Redbook

By Charlotte Hilton Andersen, REDBOOK


This morning when I visited the bank, the teller exclaimed, "Oh, wow! Are those all yours? That's sure a lot of kids!" It certainly wasn't the first time I had heard that comment, but, personally, I never thought four little ones constituted "a lot." So, now I'm curious: What number defines "a lot" of children? Is it anything over the national average of 1.8 children? Six? 19 kids and a reality show?

While most moms I know don't mind the running commentary on how many children we have, there are some comments so funny, awful, or wonderful that we have to share. Here are our favorites, along with some of our best comebacks.

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1. "Are they all yours?" "No, I just like to take extra toddlers to public places for the fun of it."

2. "What the last one an accident?" "No. We had a BOGO coupon and figured, 'Why not?'

3. "Don't you know how [having so many kids] happens?" "Why, don't you? You're not going to ask me for tips for getting pregnant, are you?" -Beth

4. "Do you have any idea what a drain on society all your children are?" "Yet they'll be paying for your Social Security, so I wouldn't be complaining too loudly. -Laura

5. "How do you feed them all?" One word: Tarp.

6. "Are they all related?" Are you asking me if I run a daycare or if I sleep around?

7. "You're not having any more, right?" "Oh, no worries. I'm just getting warmed up." -Shellie

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8. "You have three boys! Are you going to keep trying until you have a girl?" "No, I'm pretty sure my husband's X chromosome is a myth." -Natalie

9. "You had three kids in three and a half years? Why would you want to have them that close together?" "Hello, built-in playmates!" -Megan

10."Heck, you're as good as one of my cows! Having a baby every year, are you?" "Afterwards, I wished I'd told this neighbor that I was pregnant for 'job security'-when the cows at his ranch stop calving, they go to the sale yard for butchering!" -Joy

What is your definition of "a lot" of children? Has anyone ever said anything to you about your family size?

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Charlotte Hilton Andersen is a mom of 5 and the author of the book The Great Fitness Experiment: One Year of Trying Everything and the blog of the same name.


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