18 Creative Lies Moms Tell Their Kids to Stay Sane
I'm just gonna come right out and say it. Moms lie! We do --and frankly a fast thinking fib can be the difference between a good night's sleep and being sent to padded room. You see, mothers are a brilliantly dishonest bunch. And deception is one of the strongest tools in our arsenal (well, until your children figure out how to look things up on Google, that is).
Of course we fabricate things in different ways. There are the universal terms and phrases, which I laid out in my list, "Momisms - What We Really Mean" -- and there are the incredibly creative lies that we tell to prevent a meltdown, an argument or simply to give us a moment of peace and a brief reprieve.
Here are some lies I've told my kids to save sanity, furniture, face, time, and money... (PS there are a few sprinkled in from my amazing Facebook Fans, who are creative and unscrupulous -- I love that about them.)
1. They don't give you ketchup at drive-thrus.
2. The lunch lady calls me when you don't eat your sandwich.
3. They don't sell replacement batteries for that toy.
4. The cat is allergic to Moon Sand, so we can't have any in the house -- for her safety.
5. What you didn't get money from the Tooth Fairy last night? That's because she doesn't work the 3rd Tuesday of every month. I'm sure she'll come tonight.
6. There are no cartoons on at night because that's when the characters sleep.
7. The ice cream man only plays that song when they're out of ice cream.
8. It's such a shame, the movies, arcade, and bowling alley are all closed after 6PM on weeknights.
9. Harry Styles hates girls who don't listen to their parents. Now, go brush your teeth and don't forget to floss.
10. No, this isn't a brownie. It's a breakfast bar and it has lots of protein and fiber and even spinach in it. Do you want one?
11. The restaurant I'm going to with Daddy doesn't allow kids or we would totally take you ... I think the waiters say inappropriate things.
12. Animals want to be eaten, it gives them such joy to be chosen as your food. Here's some chicken ... go ahead make it happy.
13. Unicorns ARE real, but you only see one when you're being really good. What, you haven't seen any? Well, you have to be even better.
14. Babies come from the Internet and that baby sister you wanted is on back-order.
15. Chuck E. Cheese's is only for birthday parties; you have to be invited to one to go there.
16. What do the signs say? Um, no running, no touching, no talking. (I'm so screwed when he learns to read!)
17. The stuffed animals will be lonely for their friends if we take them out of the store.
18. And of course the most universal (and ironic) Mom Lie: I'm your mother, I wouldn't lie to you.
(PS there are a few sprinkled in from my amazing Facebook Fans, who are clearly unscrupulous - and I love that about them.)
OTHER FUN PIECES: 40 Signs You're a Mom
Momisms Translated - What they Really Mean
10 Annoying Moms You Never Want to Run Into
JOIN THE CRAZINESS ON FACEBOOK
Jenny Isenman, AKA Jenny From the Blog is the humorist behind the award winning site, The Suburban Jungle. A caffeine addicted card carrying Gen Xer, on air lifestyle expert for NBC, and columnist at Huff Po and The Stir, her goal is to you keep herself sane. Oh, and to teach dolphins to read. She is failing at both. Find her on Facebook and Twitter, and Pinterest.
Spill: What creative lies have you told?
