7 Things NOT to Do on Valentine's Day When You're Expecting

Being Pregnant

1. See the movie Blue Valentine.

All the things that make the movie so brilliant- the heart-breaking, psychologically astute performances, the agonizing depiction of an an unraveling marriage, a scarily realistic abortion scene- make this an iffy choice for a couple about to start a family.

2. Blow air directly into your wife's vagina. For some reason this particular "sex act" carries the risk of a fatal air embolism during pregnancy. Save all the air blowing for postpartum.

3. Do whip-its while soaking in a steaming hot jacuzzi. Whip-its just can't be good for the fetus and hot tubs are not recommended during pregnancy. Sorry. Maybe some heartburn-reducing papaya enzyme and a shower would be a better idea.

4. Have an unprotected four-way with neighbors who have active herpes sores and/or gonorrhea. Active Herpes can risk you out of a vaginal birth. Gonorrhea can cause problems in pregnancy.

5. Eat day old ham salad off your partner's nipples. Ham salad needs to be freshly made in order to reduce the risk of listeriosis, an infection that can be particular dangerous for pregnant women.

6. Wear a satin steel boned corset and stilettos. Really, this is not the time. If you do get into that corset, someone - either you or the fetus - is not getting oxygen. Have we not learned from Mariah's mistakes?

7. Tattoo your stretch marks into images of streaked and billowing hearts. Look, they are what they are. Don't make a big deal of it.


For 3 more things not to do on Valentine's Day when you're expecting, visit Babble.

MORE ON BABBLE:

Va-va-voom! Sexy Maternity Lingerie for Valentine's Day
6 Clever Ways to Document Your Pregnancy
9 Ways Being a New Mom Changes Your Brain

Stay connected. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter.