8 Reasons I Want to Be a Toddler Again

CAN SOMEONE WAKE ME WHEN IT'S 2025? THANKS.CAN SOMEONE WAKE ME WHEN IT'S 2025? THANKS.Like many of the parents you might see wandering through their days completely bewildered, I live with a toddler. It's no small thing, surviving these little people. With a lack of control over bodily functions, language, emotional stability and survival instincts, toddlers walk through the world blissfully unaware of the havoc they wreak on us parents. I've consoled myself with what every other parent out there tells me, that this too shall pass, but then suddenly last night, listening to Z perform "Help!" for the 15 millionth time, it hit me: it's not that I resent my son going through these stages. It's just that I'm jealous. Here's why I want to be a toddler again:


You can do the same thing over and over ...You can do the same thing over and over ...
1. You can do the same thing over and over and get congratulated for it EVERY TIME
Wait, you're waiting for me to clap because you stood up? Really? That's the definition of insanity wonderful, sweetheart!


No shame in farting ...No shame in farting ...
2. There's no shame in farting
Actually, there's no shame in anything. Which, last I heard, is a sign that you're a psychopath, but hey, that's a small price to pay in the scheme of things, isn't it?

Related: Are all toddlers psychopaths? A 16-point checklist for truly terrible twos


Gah! Toilet paper!Gah! Toilet paper!
3. Toilet paper is A-MA-ZING
No, seriously, have you seen this stuff? It's like a never-ending roll of heaven.


You're the official alarm clock of the house!You're the official alarm clock of the house!
4. You decide when everyone should wake up
Who cares if it's 4 in the morning? You're up! Who else is up? Holla!

Related: 16 things you should NEVER say to the parent of a toddler


You don't have to deal with crap ...You don't have to deal with crap ...
5. Someone else will deal with your crap
Literally. Figuratively. Regularly.


I want ...I want ...
6. You get to start every sentence with I WANT
Which is totally what I want to do anyway all the time, but some adults are so lame about narcissism.

Related: 7 ways my toddler is a dictator


When you want something ...When you want something ...
7. Want something? You've got options
If someone else is holding it, grab it. If that doesn't work, knock them over. If that doesn't work, whine. That usually works with the tall people.


Don't want something ...Don't want something ...
8. Don't want something? Throw it!
This includes clothes, food, toys you hate, toys you love, and certain siblings.

- By Mira Jacob

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Mira JacobMira JacobIn previous lives, Babble Deputy Editor Mira Jacob was the parenting editor at Yahoo! Shine, the Editorial Director at Lime.com, a writer for VH-1's Pop-Up Video, the author of Kenneth Cole's Footnotes, and Dan Savage's research monkey. These days, she runs Pete's Reading Series in Brooklyn, gets way too competitive in Scrabble, and likes fiction to the point where she doesn't mind being lied to, as long as it's entertaining. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband (a filmmaker), and their toddler son (a tyrant).