A few ways Parisian moms have it over American moms

I was just in Paris for a week without my 4-year-old daughter to enjoy a visit with my younger sister. She's been living there for over a year and is on her way to becoming a true expat, and I'm really thrilled for her to have the experience. Though I was there without my kid, I was fascinated by some of the differences I observed while I was there regarding how parents are treated. Of course, French women have amazing maternity benefits, longer hospital stays after giving birth, and free childcare options, as well as state-funded pre-K (not to mention free education throughout life). The French, like many Europeans, generally work fewer hours, have more vacation time, and a deeply ingrained national culture of balance in all things. Adults are expected to have time off from their children to pursue their own interests, whereas in the U.S. it seems like every parent I know (including me) is searching for that elusive balance between work, family, and self. Of course, as I watched moms struggle to push strollers over Paris cobblestones and down impossibly narrow sidewalks, I wondered how hard it must be to go about daily life in a big European city--things are just on a smaller scale there, including apartments (where would the stroller go?).

It was at a museum when a key cultural difference really hit home. We were at the Palais de Tokyo, an edgy contemporary art museum where we saw cutting edge exhibits with names like "Fresh Hell." In other words, not the Monet show I'd been hoping to catch (though we did brave lines and got in to see that, too). Anyway, oddly this museum had the most adorable kids' room I've ever seen--a space for art projects and creativity, and a little story-time nook done up like the coziest grandmother's living room you could imagine. A woman was reading to a small group of children, and as I pressed my face to the glass, missing my daughter a little, I realized there were... no parents there. It was actually a space to yes, drop the kids off so that the adults could enjoy a little grown-up culture. What a revelation. San Francisco's museums have family days and the kids' museums are amazing, but I have never dropped Alice off to be entertained while I took in an exhibit with my husband. We either take turns, or go by ourselves, or more often than not, skip the grownup museums altogether in favor of child-friendly venues. Parents are expected to hang out with the kids in the "kids' section," not to just drop them off. In Paris, getting your regular dose of adult culture is non-negotiable, and parents aren't made to feel guilty because they need that stimulation. That makes me a little jealous.

On my last day of my trip, I went to Galeries Lafayette, one of Paris's iconic grand department stores. It's an amazing place with a zillion cafes, a restaurant overlooking the city, a coat check (so civilized), gift-wrapping stations on every floor, and of course, beautiful things to see everywhere. I marveled at the children's department--the designer clothes, the toys,...the childcare? Yes, when I was looking over the directory, I saw a "childcare" department. To my knowledge, no department store in the U.S. has an actual place to drop off your kids while parents get down to the very serious business of shopping--and I should know, I worked at Dillard's for five years. Well, IKEA has a nice child-care option, but they are Swedish, after all.

Another American friend who'd recently visited Paris was surprised to see that playgrounds in the city are set up for the kids to play in the play area, and for the parents to sit on the perimeter, visiting with other adults, talking on their phones, reading, or pensively smoking a cigarette. In America, playgrounds are as full of parents as they are kids--at least in San Francisco--capital of the helicopter parents, who hover over their children and anticipate every move. I have often felt weird sitting on the bench while my daughter runs around, but maybe I was French in a past life.

Anyway, until I can convince my husband that we all need to move there, I will try to work in more museum visits and solo shopping trips until I can get back to Paris, with my daughter in tow, that is.