Are You and Your Kids Mismatched?
By GalTime Teen Parenting Expert, Barbara Greenberg
There are times when teens are simply mismatched with their mothers. What I'm referring to are temperamental mismatches. Teens sometimes tell us that they feel that they have been born into the wrong family.
In fact, mothers, too, have shared that they wonder how it is that they have a teen who is so different from them. You have probably seen or experienced exactly what we are referring to.
Related: Parenting Teens: Parental Authority vs Peer Pressure
Consider the following scenarios:
A very outgoing and socially comfortable mother has a shy and introverted teen who has trouble making conversation with peers.
You are a mother who has difficulty expressing your feelings both verbally and physically. You have a teen who is emotionally intense and loves to be hugged.
You love to exercise and have always maintained a very healthy and lean body. You love stylish clothing. Your daughter on the other hand couldn't care less about fashion or having a few extra pounds.
A very athletic daughter loves to watch sports on TV and is a great softball player. You don't understand the rules of sports, have always considered yourself clumsy, and have little interest in sports facts.
Your teen loves to have lots of friends over to your house. They are all nice kids but you are not comfortable with groups of people.
You are very spontaneous in your role as a mother. This works well with one of your teens but the other one is more relaxed with structure, predictability, and sticking to a clear agenda.
Your teen tells you that you like her brother more than her. Well, it's not that you like him more, it's just that you understand him better because he is more like you emotionally and otherwise.
Your daughter, you believe, is just way too sensitive. Things affect her way too much. You often think about why she can't be more like you and let things go. She is slow to recover from disappointments. Why, you ask yourself can't she just get on with things?
A very fun and playful teen has you for a mother. You were raised in a very formal and polite atmosphere. You just don't get this playful thing. Your own attempts to be playful feel very awkward.
Why, you ask yourself, can't your daughter just spend some time relaxing with a good book? Why would she rather be with friends than having alone time? You have always cherished and guarded having some space and private time.
Related: Getting Your Kids to Open Up and Talk To You
So, here is where other female role models are so important. Sometimes our teen daughters seem to have special bonds with one or more of their aunts or even friends' mothers.
If you think about it, it is probably because they "get" each other. Their temperaments work well together. Maybe they are both playful and fun-loving types. Perhaps, they are both bookworms and love to spend the afternoon talking about books. They may just have a similar world-view.
If you are lucky enough to have aunts and other adult women around who are temperamentally well-matched to your daughters then consider yourselves lucky. Your teens will benefit from having all sorts of role models.
Check out more from Barbara at TalkingTeenage.com
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