Asking a Mom If She's 'Done' Having Kids is Rude
Dreena and her husband have five children -- four boys and a little girl -- Nick, 8, Nathan, 6, Nolan, 5, Nevan, 3, and Natalie, 18 months. And she's frustrated. Not because she's a mom of five kids. Because of you. Well, those of you who keep asking if she's done having kids. Here, in Dreena's own words, are her feelings on it all ....
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I must say being the mother of five children has it's ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade these experiences for anything in the world. One of the worst parts about it though is how RUDE, and yes I mean RUDE, it is to ask someone if they are "done having children" just because they have both genders. As soon as we found out we were having a girl anyone and everyone I run into makes that horrible comment. "You guys are done right?"
I can't possibly tell you how frustrating it is to hear these words all the time.
My children are usually well behaved when we go out places, always use manners, and people often tell me how well behaved they are. Yet I still get those asking "How do you do it" in a tone that is less than positive. I say one day at a time, discipline, and rewards. Still, it makes it sound like children are a burden on society and no parent should have more kids after they have each gender.
If you really want to know if someone plans on having more kids, a nicer way to ask is like this: "Those are beautiful children you have, do you plan to have more?"
But ... you really don't have to ask at all because it is none of your business. Not all large families mooch off the government or ask for handouts all the time, seeing as many people like to stereotype this situation. I am the oldest of five myself and I never grew up thinking that five was such a large family as it is presented nowadays. So sad to see society with such a piss poor attitude. I am not taking your tax money, everyone else seems to be taking ours nowadays. I am not aiming to be the next Octomom or the next Duggar Family, I just enjoy giving the gift of life at a realistic happy medium. I'm sorry if my happy family is just too much for some people to bear.
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I never realized how much criticism I would receive as a parent of many. I have to say that I am disappointed not in my family but from those around me. Also I am not stating that I have a perfect family and we don't have a rough day when a kid decides to throw a rare temper tantrum in public. But doesn't every mom face that? Large families do not deserve a bad name.
Does it annoy you when people ask if you are done having kids? How do you respond if asked?
This originally appeared on Dreena's CafeMom journal.
Image via Goodncrazy/Flickr
Written by Michele Zipp on CafeMom's blog, The Stir.
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