Balancing School and Teen Parenting

This is the second part of a five part series regarding how I, a teen mom, aim to balance all aspects of my life. The first part regarded my work. This part will show you how I balance going to school. But first, a bit about myself. I got pregnant through rape at age 14. My daughter's father is my boyfriend I had at that time. I am forced to share custody with him and he is an integral part of my life, despite the fact that I have no interest in ever seeing him again. I spent much of my ninth grade year pregnant and I gave birth the first week of tenth grade, although I did not go to school that year until three weeks after I had her. Now that the background is complete, here is my school/mommyhood balance.

Dealing with Teachers
Most people know that peers are very unforgiving of those who get pregnant. However, I had to deal with stares and insults from students and teachers alike,. "Oh Amber, I truly thought you were smarter than this. Why?" I heard this from many teachers. While my high school had the highest student pregnancy percentage in the county, it didn't usually happen to "smart" girls like me. The fact that i was never in any standard classes, yet I "was too stupid to know how a condom works" made my pregnancy so bewildering to people, especially the teachers. I wouldn't have expected the teachers to very forgiving of my pregnancy, but some of my teachers were downright rude. One of them refused to let me go to the bathroom when I asked, and then he chewed me out for lacking self control when I peed in my seat about ten minutes later. Another teacher shot me a dirty look when I was talking to a classmate about issues I was having with my daughter's father. She said, "that's what happens when you give yourself away before you're ready." After my pregnancy, I didn't hear so much negativity, but it was still there every now and again, like if I had to miss school to take my daughter somewhere or care for her because she was sick. College professors were much more understanding and empathetic, even asking about her and how she is doing. I don't fully understand why there was a complete 180 between high school and college educators, but I think it may have had to do with the fact that my daughter is older now and not 100% needing me.

High School Administration
The only thing worse than my high school teachers was the pisspoor administration. The minute they heard of any pregnancy, they tried to nip it in the bud by sending the mothers to the county's alternative school for those who can't succeed in a typical classroom setting. Their reasoning was so the mother wouldn't get distracted so much by bullying, which is fair enough. My issue was that my daughter's father, my rapist, had no talks whatsoever about him leaving school for being a parent. This was the only thing I had to keep me in regular school was the gender discrimination. It still doesn't mean that they didn't try though. They were urging me to repeat the ninth grade for my poor attendance, even though I was still in the "lousy but still acceptable (not automatically failing) range for coming to class. In tenth grade, they wanted to fail me first quarter for my attendance, even though the attendance policy states that you can't count absences until the student shows up. I did not go to tenth grade until after I had her because she was due any day. I'm glad that I had a teacher advocate for me, otherwise I wouldn't have known that and they would've gotten away with it. Thankfully, after this they left me alone for the most part, but they still had this idea in their heads that I would end up poor, alone, and a horrible human being. They think it of all the teen mothers in the school and do to this day. Again I ask, what about the dads?

Dealing with my Homework
There's really not much to this one, you're given homework, and you do it. Simple as that. I usually sat my daughter in her bounce chair when she was an infant so she was always near me. Thankfully she wasn't real fussy as long as we were close, but having to stop to feed her and play with her did turn a one hour assignment into a one hour and forty five minute assignment. When she got older, I would put her in her playpen, which she hated. I would sit her on my lap or next to me and give her a small toy that didn't make noise while alternating between that and the playpen. Now that she is older, she is usually okay to be left to her own devices as long as we're in the same room or nearby, but she's in the phase where she needs to show me absolutely everything that is fascinating to her (which being four, means everything). Maybe when I'm working on my doctorate, I'll be able to do my work in its appropriate time frame. But for now, I just need to devote some extra time and rest breaks into my day.

Dealing with Peers
Getting pregnant in high school is truly an odd thing. Everyone knows who you are, even people who you don't know at all. Everyone knows your name and your business. I've been bullied all through school for stupid things like my hair being oily, my clothes being secondhand, and my chest being first too flat, then too large. When I got pregnant, everyone was asking how I was and if things were well. I can't say that I didn't dislike people caring, but the new attention was very uncomfortable. I had gotten so used to blending in and now that was no longer an option. I know now that most of the people paying any mind to me were just being nosy because not long after, other girls started getting pregnant and the attention went to them. I was actually relieved when that happened, because I really did hate being in the spotlight. Even though people knew my name now, it didn't exempt me from being bullied. I still had people calling me a whore and a slut and a loose cannon. I had people blowing up my myspace wall with hateful comments, saying that my baby deserved to die so she'd be spared from an awful life with a POS mother. I had strangers calling my house in the middle of the night thanks to a falling out I had with a friend which ended with her selling my phone number and address to people who wanted to fight me. I had girls show up on my door step looking for trouble, and then there were also boys who had girlfriends who would "come forward" as the father of my daughter, which had their girlfriends coming up, yelling at me, spitting in my face, and other horrible things. One girl slapped me, but thankfully the police took care of that real quick. Overall, it was and still is bittersweet. The girls I go to college with are very supporting and adoring of me and my daughter, but one of the girls in high school who gave me problems also goes to college with me, so I do still get dirty looks and whispers. As I said, it is a bittersweet experience.