How Being a Teen Mom Has Changed Me

In light of my daughter turning 4 in addition to starting my sophomore year of college, I've come to a realization: I don't have friends. Well, I don't have close friends that I do anything and everything with. I have girls in my classes that I talk to, eat lunch with, and occasionally catch a movie with. But I'm on a different level than most of the girls I go to school with. They can make impromptu plans, go boy hopping at the club on college night, and have the time of their lives. I have to take mass transit home to my daughter, stepson, and husband. I love my family and I love that I am able to go to college to make a better way for them, but being on a different level has proven to be really isolating, especially in the last few weeks being back at school. I thought I'd share the different ways that being a teen mom has changed me.

I'm broke, all the time.
No one said that being a mom was easy on the wallet, and for good reason. I have a work study job and a regular job and I'm still always broke. The bills don't pay themselves, and kids grow so darn fast that it always seems like there is something new that they need. My husband and I have a little rainy day fund to offset any major costs that we may incur, but a personal fund always gets emptied as quickly as it gets filled, and it's almost never spent on me. While I'd love to be able to join my girlfriends for mani pedis, a buffet lunch, or a weekend at the beach, it's just not in the cards for this mama.

I'm boring.
Because there is hardly any time, funds, or both to go out and live it up, I find that I am a very boring person. Living in Baltimore, there is plenty of free and low cost entertainment at my disposal, but going out mostly occurs with my family, and most people aren't interested in hearing the cute new word that my daughter invented or the hilarious potty dance my son did. Since I don't have much else to talk about, I am pretty dull.

I'm always tired.
A 5:00am work shift comes too early when you aren't getting to bed until 11:00pm. Even though I work in a coffee shop, all the joe in the world won't prevent this mama from being yawn free during class.

I don't have a lot of friends.
Maintaining friendships takes a lot of time and investment. More often than not, it's a lot of time and investment that I don't have. It's not like I don't try, but being at an age where investing in friendships equates to hanging out, it leaves me hanging in the dust. As stated earlier, I have confidantes, but most of my friends are older than me and they better understand the daily grind of parenthood. The people that I'm closest to at my university are two former professors, a thirty year old grad student, and one of the ladies who works at my work study job with me. Nineteen and twenty year olds are just harder to relate to.

I'm not good at romance.
I always wonder how I ever got married, I am not good at romance. My husband is the only long term relationship I've had. Guys just don't like girls with kids, so I could never refine my romantic skills. Even now, I sometimes forget how much he needs me, that it's okay to sugar coat things a little to protect his feelings, or that I need to spend time with him sans peanut gallery. I try my best, but I am definitely a work in progress.

I have no sense of caring for myself.
I feel guilty whenever I get something for myself for the heck of it. I don't have as much guilt when I absolutely need something, but I've gotten so used to going without for the sake of my daughter, that I have a hard time spending mad money on me. I don't wear new clothes, I use school supplies until I run out, I don't own a car, and I haven't had a pro haircut in over a year. I know it's important to make time for yourself, but the first rule of being a teen mom pretty much goes against doing things for yourself because your kids are a better use of your time and money.

I wouldn't change it for anything.
I realize how negative this post is. The fact is, being a young mom sucks. You have to live vicariously through your not so close friends because you have other obligations. Most of the time, you never even notice. But sometimes, the isolation really gets to you. Even through my negative thoughts, I realize and acknowledge that I love my family dearly and I am more than grateful and blessed to have them. I love my daughter, despite the horrible circumstances surrounding her conception and birth (my boyfriend at the time raped me). I also love my husband and stepson to pieces as well. All three of them are the best things about me and they've made me a stronger and better person, even with my old clothes and unpainted nails.