A Disability Does Not Define a Person

A Disability Does Not Define a Person
A Disability Does Not Define a Person

I can't deny that when my kids were born, I succumbed to the typical behavior of a new parent whose child has Down syndrome. For a long time, I thought they were angels - that they would be kids forever and that they would never be capable of acting with malice.


My attitude about their lives wasn't any different from that of most new parents. We love our angels and can't imagine them ever being anything but the perfect beings they are at birth. On top of that, when a child is born or diagnosed with a disability, the immediate response from those around us is to try to make us believe how blessed we are for receiving such a special being, someone out of this world.

When a child is diagnosed with autism, society leads us to believe that they are savants or have special powers. When a child is born with Down syndrome, people believe they are sweet, innocent, and wonderful beings. Perhaps this is supposed to be the consolation prize that comes with having a child with special needs.

But as a parent, when you raise your children and see them growing up, you realize how smart they can be, how sweet and noble their hearts are, and you also see them be petty, jealous, and, at times, malicious - just like any other child. So, my question is: Why should I credit their gifts to a label that defines and limits who they are as individuals?

Related: 6 things I learned from my kids with special needs

As parents, to understand, accept, and learn is an important and natural process. No one is born knowing how to be a parent, and this is especially true when we're hit with an unexpected diagnosis. We all learn new things. The most important lessons are not hidden in books or articles, or given to us by the doctor. Our kids provide us with the most valuable lessons.

I used to believe that Emir and Ayelén were sweet and wonderful to each other because they were both born with Down syndrome. Then, throughout the years, I realized that the incredible love they feel for each other is a result of them being siblings.

My house is as typical as any other, and there are always fights and tragedies of some kind. So I'm against giving the credit to Down syndrome for the kisses, the tokens of affection, and the tenderness. The people who love my kids and have helped them grow up - myself included - are the ones who should take the credit for who they are.

For their determination, or what some call stubbornness, I take credit. Those are my genes and were transmitted by direct line to my daughter, Ayelén.

Emir´s nobility and his shiny eyes? Those are his father´s genes - even if I don't like to accept that all the time.

Those are just a few of the reasons I give credit not to some random gene, but instead to their inherited genes, their experiences, and the faith and love that have been invested in them since they were born.

Photo source: Eliana Tardio

-By Eliana Tardio

For 12 things to teach your children about kids with special needs, visit Babble!

MORE ON BABBLE
12 unexpected ways life changes after kids
20 simple ways to show your kids you love them
11 mistakes all parents make (even the perfect ones!)