Empty Nest? How to Handle Your Kids Leaving Home
Many of you are sending your kids off to college now; some of you are doing it for the first time. I've been there twice, and now my daughter lives overseas! Most of the time, I'm okay with it ... you get used to it, you know? But sometimes ,when she sends me little notes, or we chat on Skype, I miss her all over again.
She's clever, loving, generous, and so very courageous ... and you really can't do hugs on Skype. And then, when we actually visit, it hits me hard. It sounds strange, but I don't realize how much I miss her until I actually see her again. And then she leaves again. I'm so grateful to have a job, well, actually two jobs, because they keep my mind busy until I get used to her absence again.
Sound familiar? Or is the anticipation of it making you sad? Your children are the center of your life. In spite of a job, a home, volunteer work and a social life, most of the decisions you make have factored in your kids in some way. All of a sudden you can't remember all the annoying things they've done, the chores they didn't do, and how much you worried.
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All you can focus on is how much you'll miss them, that they are moving on to something new and you really can't go there with them. This is separation anxiety for parents! (Take a look at the poem by Kahlil Gibran, Your Children Are Not Your Children. It says it all.) So what do you do now?
Yes, you miss them and yes, you'll never stop worrying about them. It's what parents do. But I promise you, there is life after they leave. It's true: millions of people with adult children are still walking the earth, and some of them are even smiling! They do more than survive the empty nest.
All joking aside, when you get back into your routines, it will ease. You can fill up the space with more of what you usually do or you can take this time to explore. Some parents start to remember who they were and the dreams they had BK (Before Kids). I want you to think about this idea - "take hold and let go." Basically it means that in order to let go of someone or something (without falling to pieces), you need something to take hold of, to put in its place.
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Written By Fern Weis for YourTango.com.
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