Five Reasons to Trust Your Gut when Raising Your Kids
By GalTime Teen Parenting Expert, Barbara Greenberg, PhD
Like every other new parent, I read every possible book about parenting that I could get my hands on when my daughter was first born. And then with each passing year I added a new book to my collection.
My daughter turned 1 and yes I bought the book that would reassure me that my daughter was reaching the developmental milestones at precisely the right times.
If there was any doubt then I would dutifully and compulsively cross-reference with another glossy and promising new book. Amanda turned 2 and off I was to my local bookstore to get the "When Your Child Turns 2" bible. At least it was my bible.
It may not have been everyone's bible but it sure was mine. My sweet little girl started to have a tantrum and I literally begged her (in my mind and heart) of course, to hold off until I could finish the chapter on tantrums. Nursery school was fast approaching and yes there was my new book beckoning me from the shelf about how to handle separation anxiety.
My daughter might begin to start playing with her friends so I learned about parallel play, sharing etc. And then the teen years hit. I was fully prepared, I thought, because I read every book that I could get my eager hands on. If there was any discrepancy I became agitated until I could find a third book that supported the statements and predictions in at least one of the books.
Related: 10 Signs You Really ARE Ruining Your Kids' Social Lives
My girl got older. And, guess what? I wrote a book about parenting teens with a colleague. And, yes the book sold. I knew it would because who on earth would dare trust their gut on anything related to their kids? We choose life partners, careers, friends, cities to live in, who to date, all based in large part on our "gut" reactions. When it comes to our offspring,however, the "gut" has little value. We need the experts.
Well, here in a strange turn of events, I am defending paying attention to the "gut."
And here are five reasons why:
1. I have come to believe that there is a great deal of intelligence in "gut" reactions. Yes, the knot in your stomach may be speaking loudly, earnestly, and with great sincerity. There were many times that I had a bad feeling about friends, situations, and sleepovers, and guess what?- I paid attention to my gut and it served me well in my child-rearing decisions.
2. Nobody, no person, no book and no lecturer, quite knows your child like you do. Has the book author actually met your child? Has the person doing the power point presentation ever felt your child's pain and particular sensitivities? My guess is that the answer is probably no.
Related: The Difference Between Support and Smothering
3. Yes, ten of us may all be raising middle school girls who have experienced teasing but what works for your kid may not work for my kid. A bestselling book on how to deal with bullies may have advice that works for your tween but makes mine feel even more inadequate. Here is yet another instance of where you may want to listen to your finely attuned gut.
4. Your teenage boy is showing no interest in dating girls yet. You are worried and you start buying books on sexuality and leaving them around the house in your oh-so-subtle manner so that your teenage boy will stumble upon them. Perhaps this will get his hormonal juices flowing and you can see if he has a sexual awakening. Better yet-trust your gut when it tells you to let things unfold naturally rather than waiting around the corner to see if your son looks at these books with dilated pupils and sweat dripping down his youthful forehead. Give your gut and his gut a chance before planting books so unobtrusively.
And
5. Trust that the gastrointestinal system serves many functions. It was not simply developed to help you digest your food but also to help you digest, process, and act on your "gut" feelings.
More from GalTime:
