Grab the Tissues! This Special Friendship Knows No Borders

Woman s Day

By Tula Karras

Last January, when Heila Rogers, 45, got the call that her friend Marie had given birth to a baby girl, she bought a vase full of pink carnations and roses and raced to the hospital near where they live in Abilene, TX. Heila pulled up a chair beside Marie's bed, and the two women grabbed hands as Marie told her about her beautiful daughter, who was "tanning" in her light therapy bed to treat mild jaundice. The pair gabbed about the wacky things celebrities name their babies ("Apple!") and swapped birth stories. Photo by Buff Strickland; Hair and makeup by Megan Waldmeier Tyler

Being able to support Marie in this way meant everything to Heila, who, as the wife of a physician and lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Air Force, has moved 11 times in 20 years. One of Heila's loneliest moments was when she and Dave lived near Washington, DC. "With my son's birth in particular, I didn't have family or friends nearby to throw a shower," says Heila. "A neighbor we barely knew drove me to the hospital, since Dave was working. No one came to fuss over my babies or bring flowers."

Heila and her family (son Daniel is now 16 and daughter Abby is 17) say that after three years, Abilene feels like home, which inspired Heila to reach out and assist other newcomers trying to settle in. After Abby introduced her mom to a soccer teammate from the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC), in 2010, "I realized there were refugees in Abilene who I could help," says Heila.

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Family Bonding

Soon after, Heila signed up with the International Rescue Committee, a humanitarian aid group that works with the U.S. government to assist refugees who've been granted asylum in America receive the skills to acclimate and support themselves.

Once Heila completed training, she was paired with the Kazadi family-Marie Nsekela Banze, 32, her husband Marcel Kazadi, 42, and their two kids, Jemima, 7, and Jonathan, 11-who had escaped the DRC, a central African nation where, since 1998, civil war has left over 5.5 million people dead from violence, disease and malnutrition. Rapes, mutilations, abductions and mass killings are commonplace.

After a seven-year odyssey and a period living in South Africa, the family finally arrived in Abilene on November 14, 2012. "I couldn't believe that we were there, it was so beautiful to me," says Marie, who is still learning English (her first language is Swahili, and she also speaks French).

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Despite the cultural barrier, Heila felt an immediate kinship with the couple. "They interacted with their children the same way I did with mine-with a relaxed but watchful eye," Heila recalls. Their friendship grew as Heila showed Marie around town and helped her with issues that cropped up, like converting kilograms to pounds. Marie began tutoring Abby for her high school French class, and Dave helped Marcel fill out job applications. When Heila took them to a donation center to get clothing, "Jemima chose a pair of cowboy boots, which Marie thought was hilarious because it is so typically Texan.

Hope for the Future

While the family is adjusting to life in the States, Heila remains cautious in asking about what Marie left behind in Bukavu, the city she and Marcel fled. Marie cannot discuss it, and Marcel simply shakes his head. "There is nothing good about the Congo. The economy is collapsed. If you don't have money for food for your children, they will just die."

Of course, life isn't perfect here-Marcel has a master's degree yet can only find work as a dishwasher-but the couple feel deeply grateful for the chance they've been given. "We are safe and don't have to worry about things like hunger. To apply for a job, freely and legally, is amazing," says Marie, who plans to look for work as a child-care provider.

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As for Heila, she's just happy to have a new friend. "We have so much fun together," says Heila. Even language misunderstandings bring laughter. "They kept saying the word ja, and I thought it was a Swahili word, but it turned out they were saying 'y'all,' like Texans."

WANT TO HELP A NEWCOMER? Go to the IRC website, Rescue.org, to find out if there is a resettlement office near you, or discover other ways you can help, says IRC spokesperson Lucy Carrigan. You can donate your time, or items like blankets and school supplies, as well as money for essentials like pediatrician visits.

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