Helping Your Kids Feel Important Once Baby Arrives
By Rebekah Hunter Scott, Author Motherhood is Easy, for GalTime.com
My son Finley was born nine days ago. Before his birth, I tried to prepare my two older children, ages 4 and 2, for his impending arrival. I pressed their chubby hands to my belly whenever I felt Finley move. I showed them ultrasound pictures and enlisted their help in guessing gender, hair color, and favorite shows on Nick Jr. They seemed to get it, to understand that we were about to welcome a tiny, permanent member into our family. They watched my belly grow (only occasionally commenting that I was getting fat), they came to the doctor's appointments, and when strangers asked them if they were ready to be a big brother or sister, they eagerly nodded, bright-eyed and chuckle-headed, having no idea what was really in store.
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Now that their baby brother is home, my son and daughter are in a sort of adjustment phase. And by adjustment phase, I mean a phase that leaves me wondering if I should just keep Finley in a giant plastic bubble until he's ten, both for his protection and for my sanity.
It's not that my kids want to hurt him. In fact, they genuinely want to be helpful. A little too helpful. They want to hold him (I'll be really careful, my 2-year-old daughter promises in that sweetly earnest voice), they want to change his diaper themselves (despite my warnings that infants can poop clear across a room), they want to give him a pacifier (after they've gotten their sticky little fingers all over it). They almost fall over each other clamoring to cuddle with him, tickle his toes, and pepper me with questions ranging from the whereabouts of his teeth to an explanation as to why on earth his belly button looks so ugly.
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What I have learned during these past nine days is that the best way I can ease this transition for my older children is to enlist their help in ways that won't cause my blood pressure to spike like I've just eaten a bucket of KFC.
Tip 1: Turn Them Into Human Golden Retrievers. My kids love fetching things for me. Before I change Finley I ask them to bring me anything I might need-diapers, wipes, a changing pad, a raincoat. Before I feed him they bring me a Boppy pillow and a burp cloth. I send them out to find Finley's tiny pairs of socks, his blankets, his hats. They return with each item, their faces beaming with pride, and I can tell they're thinking, This baby stuff isn't so hard. I don't get why Mommy collapses on the couch from exhaustion at 7 pm. I could do this all day!
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Tip 2: Let Them Entertain The Baby. Like many kids out there, mine love an audience. And there's no better or more captive audience than a baby, to whom everything is strange, new and oftentimes quite hilarious. Right now my son is trying out his physical comedy routine on Finley, and my daughter is practicing her own rendition of Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Finley stares, his wise brow furrowed, no doubt entranced by these slapstick, singing blurs that will soon come into focus as his siblings, pals and confidants in the years to come.
Tip 3: Make Time For Them, Too. Once a newborn comes home, it's hard to find time to eat something more substantial than a handful of Peanut Butter Crunch, let alone sit with the older kids and play Uno Moo. But trust me, a little bit of effort on this front will go a long way. Your kids need your attention, the reassurance that they are still important, and showing them that their new sibling hasn't just knocked them down a few rungs on the totem pole, putting them somewhere only slightly above the dog, will reduce their anxiety and make them far less likely to act out by peeing on the floor (wish I could say the same for Fido, though). If you're nursing the baby, have the older kids bring their favorite books for you to read to them. If the baby is napping, lie down with your other children and talk about their day, have them draw you a picture, or just settle in to watch a movie together. They might not even notice if you close your eyes and drift off for a few minutes!
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Tip 4: Try To Rest. Speaking of drifting off, I have found that I am a much more tolerant Mommy if I've gotten more than five hours of non-consecutive sleep. It's easy to feel overwhelmed and short-tempered during those first few weeks with a newborn, especially when you have other kids pawing at you, whining, and generally behaving like ill-mannered Oompa-Loompas. But those charming things all kids do, like turning the couch into a trampoline or treating each other like human punching bags, are much easier to deal with after you've had a good night's sleep. Or at least a few hours here and there.
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