Be Honest: Do You Reward Your Kids for Their Grades?

Last week, every other post on my Facebook news feed was a cheer from a parent for a child's grades. I am sure those people who were staring down C's and D's didn't mutter a word on a social network, if only because they may have been doing so much lecturing/yelling/loud sighing at home to have the energy to update their 773 friends. As great as it is to give a virtual high-five to children who bring home stellar report cards, I wondered how many kids rolled their eyes when their enthusiastic moms blurted out, "ALL A's?! I am so putting this up on Twitter!"

Long before we became a broadcast nation, my own family didn't spend a lot of time celebrating good grades. My brother and I were expected to do well in school. The end. Sure, we were congratulated on earning top scores, especially if we worked hard to get them or if we'd bettered our grades from the previous term. We may have even had a heart-shaped Jello dessert that night or gotten a decorated note from my mom. But the reward, my mother has always firmly maintained, is the grade.

No bribes, no toys, and absolutely no money for good grades. That was the rule. And it worked on me. I loved the thrill of seeing an A on my report card and I was the kind of kid (for many years, at least) that it drove hard. Studies have shown that even when large monetary rewards are given ($100 large), the incentive to do well only results in a modest boost in scores and even then, doesn't last very long. Of course, science doesn't easily account for a child's personality or specific school situations or learning challenges or the many factors that influence grades a kid receives. I am willing to hear how that works for other parents and maybe even be open minded about how they use grade rewards effectively. I'm just not willing (for now, at least) ready to break the rule my mom started.

My own son is now in first grade and there aren't even real grades assigned to each area of proficiency yet, just symbols to indicate whether or not he's met requirements, surpassed them, or needs more time and assistance to achieve them. Still, a parent I know who's child is also in first grade and under the same sort-of-grading system, just at another school, beamed about how excited she was to lavish her daughter with American Girl doll accessories as a report-card reward. While this year is full of academic surges -- reading! adding! learning probability! researching in books and on the Internet! -- does a few months of doing homework sheets and library computer games and counting change deserve big gifts?

Or should doing all that spur more? Like, maybe a hug and an "I'm so proud of the work you're doing!" and maybe some boasting to Grandma?

Cash comes and goes, just like American Girl shoes and earrings and Lego sets and Wii games. But the bigger lessons of feeling good about yourself for working hard, of your parents really seeing what you've done, of setting high expectations and making your way toward them -- aren't those the real gifts we want to give our kids, no matter what grades are on the report card?

Disagree with me? Why do you think good grades do deserve monetary or toy rewards?


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