Lessons in Letting Go.

by Leslie Morgan Steiner (Two Cents on Working Motherhood)

"Sometimes, you need to let your kids go - so that they can come home."

I've never forgotten the mom with older children who mentioned this paradox to me. She was explaining why she supported her teenage daughter's decision to go to boarding school far from home, at a time when the family wanted the daughter close by. Her wisdom paid off. After two years away, her daughter returned "home" to college in the same town where she had grown up and her extended family still lived.

This advice came in handy three years ago when my nine-year-old daughter dramatically announced that she wanted to go to sleep-away camp. She'd seen a camp website at a friend's house - swimming holes, horses, Indian-themed cabins. Plenty of friends sent their kids to camp or teen tours or their grandmother's farm for the summer, with happy results for kids and the adults. However, my husband and I had always avoided encouraging our kids to go away. We wanted them HOME, with us. Especially at nine years old.

Our daughter couldn't articulate why she needed to go away to camp. But she was adamant.

We let her go for a 14 day session, despite our misgivings and despite the fact that we missed her desperately. Leaving her in the middle of West Virginia with 300 other girls (and 70 horses) was like cutting off my own leg.

But we did it.

This year, as I've been helping her pack for her third summer away from us, she found the words to explain why she needs to get away.

"Mom," she said while we were labeling t-shirts. "It's not that I love camp so much. It's really that I need a break from this family. And you guys need a break from me."

I nearly dropped my black Sharpie. When did she get so darn articulate, so ridiculously insightful?


Read More

--

Leslie Morgan Steiner authors Two Cents on Working Motherhood on MommyTracked. She is the editor of the best-selling anthology Mommy Wars and the memoir Crazy Love. Steiner is a frequent guest on the Today Show, MSNBC, and regularly contributes to The New York Times, Newsweek and Vanity Fair. She lives with her husband and 3 kids in Washington, DC.