My Heartfelt Apologies to My Breasts
We put our boobs through a lot. Here's one mom's apology to her breast friends.
Dear Boobs,
I just wanted to write and say thank you ... and sorry.
I'm sorry for all you've been through over the past five years what with all the pregnancies and nursing for months on end. I'm sorry for all of the tenderness, the cracked nipples (why couldn't that kid get his latch right?!), the mastitis, the clogged ducts, the thrush, the chemical burn (that was totally my bad! I had no idea putting straight grapefruit seed extract on nipples would cause 2nd degree burns). I'm sorry for the time Leo intentionally bit you and drew blood. I'm sorry for the time he twisted your nipple so hard it turned purple for days. I'm sorry for flashing you to the general public on a regular basis. I know you're shy by nature, but I just couldn't get that stupid Hooter Hider to work. And most of all, I'm sorry that you went from being two buoyant, glorious orbs to the deflated, sad rock-stuffed socks you are today.
See the funniest names for boobs after breastfeeding!
You've been such troopers. I'm sure it hasn't been easy. I see you staring at the ground, demoralized and it breaks my heart (not to mention my back).
So please forgive me. I'll buy you fancy bras and I promise I won't ever let another infant use you as a chew toy.
Love,
Saggy Sistah
P.S. I do have one last favor to ask you. I know you've been through a lot, but could I talk you into a boob job?
Got a letter of your own you're dying to write but can't quite send? Send it to us! We'll publish it for you (totally anonymously, if you like!) and help you get that beef off your back!
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