Not married, with children? Report says cohabiting and kids don't mix
Divorce rates are finally dropping, but that doesn't mean people are forging stronger family units. With fewer people getting married these days, the number of kids living in households with two unmarried parents is on the rise. And, according to new research released today by the National Marriage Project and the Institute for American Values, that may as bad for kids as dealing with a parent's divorce.
In the report, "Why Marriage Matters: Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences," researchers say that couples who live together without getting married are far less stable than married couples-and it's the kids who struggle the most. "Children in cohabiting households are more likely to suffer from a range of emotional and social problems-drug use, depression, and dropping out of high school-compared to children in intact, married families," the report says.
"I think there's good news and bad news in this report," says W. Bradford Wilcox of the University of Virginia, the lead author of the report. "The good news is that divorce rates for couples who are marrying with kids today have almost fallen to 1960s levels, so the number of people who are making the commitment to marriage before having kids are much higher today."
But the bad news is that divorced parents who decide to live with their new significant others in order to provide stability for their kids may actually be doing more harm than good.
"The reason is that, in many outcomes, kids who are in divorced homes look pretty similar to kids who are in cohabiting homes," Wilcox explains. "It's particularly true for kids who are cohabiting with one biological parent and an unrelated adult, usually the biological mother and an unrelated male boyfriend. Kids in that particular household do about as poorly as kids who are in single-parent homes of one sort or another."
"Moms who have gotten divorced and are looking to enter into a new relationship should do so carefully," Wilcox adds. "Our research suggests that they should get married before they bring the new partner into the household, to make sure he's committed to her and to her family before he becomes a regular fixture in the household."
It seems like a tall order, but Wilcox suggests that engaging in activities that gives kids and a parent's new boyfriend or girlfriend "a chance to discover one another's character"-like going on a hike in the mountains or doing a service project in your home town-is better than allowing a new significant other to sleep over and still gives a divorced parent a good indication of what kind of family they can build.
Living together before (or instead of) marriage can also be far less safe for kids: The report shows that children who live in a cohabiting household are about three times more likely to suffer from physical, sexual, or emotional abuse than those who live in "intact" homes where their biological parents are married to one another. And though kids seem to be safer with their biological parents, the report shows, moms and dads who choose not to marry each other aren't saving their kids from the trauma of a break-up.
"Ironically, they're likely to experience even more instability than they would [have] if they had taken the time and effort to move forward slowly and get married before starting a family," Wilcox told NPR.
Blended, married step-families are more stable-and safer-than a cohabiting household, Wilcox says. The Institute for American Values is non-partisan and non-sectarian and claims no official stance on the issue of gay marriage but, Wilcox says, "My hypothesis is that same-sex couples that are legally married in their states would enjoy more security, and more stability, much the same way heterosexual couples do in all 50 states."
So it's not all doom and gloom for the next generation. "This report suggests that cohabitation and kids don't mix well," Wilcox says. But still, "things aren't going to hell in a handbasket when it comes to American families. It's definitely a mixed picture."
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