Parents Bullying Their Kids' Bullies. Too Far?
By GalTime Teen Expert Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D.
How Far Would You Go To Protect Your Kids?
This just in. A Long Island, New York mother of a 12-year-old decides that she can no longer tolerate her daughter being bullied by a female peer. She reports that the other 12-year-old is cyber-bullying her daughter and that the school is not giving her the necessary amount of help. This mom decides to take matters into her own hands, literally, and according to police confronts the girl with her own daughter and then allegedly gets involved in physical aggression toward the girl.
This is not the first time that we have heard such a story in the past several months. Remember the father who got on his child's school bus to threaten his child's bully?
My thoughts on this are clear and unequivocal. It is never appropriate for parents to act as bullies or to become physically aggressive toward their child's peers. This is simply unacceptable behavior on many levels. On the other hand, parents are getting fed up. It is nearly impossible to watch your child getting hurt and not to feel the need to be protective.
Related: Could Your Child Be A Bully?
There are some things that a parent can do without resorting to a one on one tussle with the bully.
1. Get the details from your child about when and where the bullying is occurring. Perhaps you can coach your child to avoid the places where the bully lurks and to change his/her usual routes.
2. Encourage your child to travel (walk to class, go to recess, etc.) with a friend. Bullies are less likely to pick on a child who is frequently with a friend. They tend to find kids who are alone to be easier and more vulnerable prey.
Related: Taking the Bull Out of Adult Bullies
3. Ask your children, in a non-accusatory manner, if they may be doing something to provoke the bully. This is not in the service of blaming the victim. Instead, bullies may see anger and rejection where it doesn't exist and your child may inadvertently be triggering something for the bully. I repeat-this is not your child's fault- but may be helpful nonetheless.
4.You may want to talk to the school. If so, then tell your child about this first so that your child feels kept in the loop. Some schools have systems in place to deal effectively with these situations.
Related: What To Do If You 'Lose It' In Front of the Kids
5.In some cases, you may want to talk to the bully's parents. Caution is recommended here though because the bully may have an equally aggressive set of parents.
Finally, please keep in mind that being the victim of bullying is neither a rite of passage nor does it build a thicker skin. It is more likely to cause emotional and somatic problems and lead to bad memories that will last for years.
My question is: How far would you go to protect your child from a bully?
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